Brewers Outbid Imaginary CC Suitors

According to Ken Rosenthal over at FoxSports, the Brewers have a come up with an offer for CC...

4 Years.

100 Million.

My first reaction?

"I must still be drunk."

Sadly, I was not.

Even sadder, he will turn that down for MORE money from someone else.

I can't wait to see what the offer is for Sheets.

Go Cubs

Speaking of Being Nailed In the Head...

Rules for Celebrating World Series Win.

1) Remove Shirt
2) Climb Highest Traffic Pole You Can Find
3) Avoid Vodka Bottle Related Head Injuries



2 out of 3 ain't bad, I guess.

I wonder if they cut off beer sales in the 7th for a "clinch" game in Philly. Somehow I doubt it.

Go Cubs.

Dayton Police Don't Appreciate Fastball Off Forehead Humor

From the CST:

Chiefs pitcher indicted for hitting fan with ball

DAYTON, Ohio -- A Peoria Chiefs pitcher accused of throwing a ball that hit a fan in the forehead was indicted Wednesday on two counts of felonious assault.

Julio Castillo, 21, who was pitching for the Chiefs of the Midwest League, is accused of throwing into the stands during a July 24 game at Dayton that featured a 10-minute, benches-clearing brawl. The fan was treated for a concussion at a hospital and released.

You all remember this douche rocket, right?




I think he could use the time in prison to find a better arm slot.

Go Cubs.

(INSERT ROSE PUN HERE)

D. Rose makes his debut tonight.

Let's just hope they are at least worth watching this year.

Go Rays.

That About Sums It Up.

Lou Pinella on what happened to the Cubs in the postseason:

''The first game we didn't pitch well. The second game, we didn't defense well. The third game, we didn't hit.'

Ok then.

So let me get this straight. If the Cubs would have just hit, pitched and "defensed" better, we would have won? Thanks for the tip, Lou. Now I know why the Cubs locked you up with an extension...your keen eye for the game's little nuances.

I kid. I kid.

Enjoy the offseason. Oh, and do me a favor, will ya? At the next "organizational meeting," when Big Jimmy H. mentions the name Raul Ibanez, kick him in the junk as hard as you can.

Thanks, Lou.

Go Rays.

Where Have I Heard This Before?

Good news for all you fans of the towel drill, Mark Prior is "healthy" again!

Buster Olney drops some knowledge (emphasis added by yours truly):

Mark Prior, who had a second, less-invasive surgery on his right shoulder earlier this year, is in the midst of a throwing program and should be ready for the start of the 2009 season, said his agent, John Boggs. Prior is expected to file for free agency. "He said he feels good, that his shoulder has never felt better," said Boggs.

Wow.

I love the fact that his agent has the balls to say Mark's shoulder has "never felt better." He better have been winking, rolling his eyes AND nudging Buster in the ribs with his elbow when he said that.

This news will definitely add some intrigue to this year's winter meetings. I mean, how can CC and Peavy know how the free agent market is shaping up until they see what kind of cash McPhail throws at a twice-surgered (trademark pending) pitcher who hasn't pitched since August of 2006?

My guess is the Orioles offer him something in the neighborhood of 12 million over 3 years, but I could be underestimating McPhail's stupidity.

Stay tuned.

PS. Don't even think about it Jim.

Go Rays.

What Happens When All My Teams Crap the Bed...

It's Time to Live Blog NFL Sunday!

With that team that shall remain nameless delivering an embarrassing postseason performance AND my Missouri Tigers choking on NATIONAL TV TWICE in two weeks, I figure it's time to focus my attention elsewhere. As the proud owner of DirecTV's NFL Sunday Ticket, I thought it might be fun to give my three readers a glimpse of what Sunday's at Casa de J dot is like.

11:55AM: Before the games get under way, let me set the stage. I have two receivers in my living room allowing me to spit screen my plasma TV. On one half, we have the Red Zone channel. On the other half...I flip between the Raiders (my brother's favorite team, sadly), the Chefs (wife's from KC) and whatever game features the most fantasy players for those in attendance . I also have another flat screen dedicated to the Bears game with sound. That's a lot 'o football, I know. By about 4 o'clock, my eyes feel like they are about to pop out of my head...but in a good way. Speaking of in attendance, I am joined by Molly the Dog, my wife Jen, my brother Jon (late again) and my friend Brent (also tardy). Let's do this.

12:03 PM: First beer is barely cracked and my fantasy franchise player, Adrian Peterson, is already losing the carries battle with Chester Taylor. Not good. On a more exciting note, we've got Brad Johnson going for the 'boys today! Everybody party like it's 1998!

12:10 PM: Vikings go for it on 4th and goal...TD AP! Nice. Even better news? The guy I'm playing in fantasy started Matt Jones this week. They aren't playing. That's why I love playing guys with young children...they never have their priorities straight.

12:13 PM: Hooray! It's Jeremy Shockey with a catch! Took a helmet right in the sports hernia, if you catch my meaning. Ouch. Also, Bears went no huddle and scored in like 4 seconds. Bless you, Kyle Orton.

12:22 PM: Two things. 1) My brother just set a new record for the least amount of time in charge of the remote (40 seconds). 2) Bears blocked a punt and scored. Best part? During the melee following the block, a Vikings player "illegally kicked" the ball. I didn't even know you could get flagged for that. Awesome.

12:30PM: Looks like CBS's Guru was right. The Cowboys defense sucks. 14-7 Rams in the 1st and it's 1st and Goal St. Louis after a Brad Johnson pick. I guess if you are right 1 out of every 17 weeks, you can call yourself a guru. Good to know. Oh, and Tony Romo...your table is ready.

12:45PM: According to the Bears announcers, Kyle Orton has a "feathery touch." I am now a more than a little uncomfortable.

12:55PM: Speaking of uncomfortable, there are these new Burger King commercials that involve two dudes with guitars and some creepy song. When did confusing and annoying your audience become the best way to advertise?

1:05PM: The wife has decided to pick the middle of the early games to start decorating for Halloween. By decorating, I mean randomly moving a bunch of pumpkins around the living room and muttering to herself.

1:25PM: Brent has arrived and referred to my choice of cans instead of bottles as "low brow." He is wearing a top hat and a monocle, so I guess I see his point.

1:30PM: Jon is currently retelling a story involving his fiancee, a goth bar and a pirate. I wish I was making that up.

1:33PM: Is anyone still watching Prison Break? I bailed on that show a year and a half ago. I mean, they brought back a girl who was DECAPITATED last year. They don't even have the balls to do that on Days of Our Lives.

1:45PM: You know what's awesome? When your QB completes a pass and the WR fumbles it on the goal line. I really like that. Really. Honestly. Couldn't be happier.

2:00PM: "Hey Richie Rich, not everyone is as rich as you! Aldi is good!" Welcome to Sunday at J dot's. Random and a tad creepy.

2:05PM: Ok, so I am now live blogging, watching 3 different games AND grilling lunch. I wonder which one of those I will neglect...

2:16PM: I am always amazed by how few of the games are remotely interesting on any given week. Today? Two. Shockingly enough, nothing about KC v. Titans or Ravens v Dolphins gets my heart rate going. Also, the return of Brad Johnson has failed to meet the "hype." 134 YDS and 2 picks. I don't think TO is gonna be doing his tear-filled "That's my quarterback" after this game.

2:45PM: Quick note on who sucks this week. Brad Johnson, JT O'Sullivan, the Cowboys, Burger King Ads, Drew Brees, Ocho Cinco, the Chargers and mean people. What doesn't suck? The SD chicken in that Sony ad.

2:57PM: We just had our SECOND "illegal kicking" penalty of the day! Thank God they cracked down on that. It was getting ridiculous.

3:01PM: Bears are up 7, with the ball. Seems like victory is within their reach. Hmmm. Why does this sound familiar?

3:06PM: Quick impression of what it sounds like to spend the day with Molly the Dog and her toys. SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

3:11PM: And the reverse jinx works! Bears win! BTW, final score was 48-41. Over/under was 43. I don't have anything funny to say about that.

3:17PM: Dick Enberg managed to work "another delicious first and 5" and "looks like he's going for the baker's dozen" into consecutive sentences. One of the the few bad things about DirecTV is the realization of how AWFUL most of the announcers are.

3:25PM: Just wanted to update the awesomeness of my fantasy opponent's lineup. He also started a kicker who was hurt. His backup scored 10. At this rate, I'm gonna to owe his daughter a fruit basket for being just enough of a distraction to get me the cheap win.

3:40PM: Remember my brother's story about pirates and a goth bar? Well, he's topping it right now with a story about a murder. He tells the best stories.

3:44PM: Yao Ming interviewed during the Houston game. Awkward, party one one, your table is ready.

4:05PM: Phil Simms: DB's are "ka-told" to hold their water, hold their water.
I was paying attention to the game and I have no idea what he was talking about.

4:11PM: First bet of the day! Jon bet Brent he had high point in our fantasy league 10 times last year. He was almost right...only missed it by half. That transitioned into Jon bragging about how awesome his Moss/Brady combo was last year, which brought us to this exchange:

Brent: How much did you get paid for winning the playoffs again?

Jon: I didn't win in the playoffs.

Brent: Exactly.

6:30PM: Games got boring, so we started playing NHL 09. My bad. The Jets and Raiders are somehow still playing. I am trying to care.

6:36PM: The Raiders Sebastian "Thunderfoot" Janikowski kicks it through from 57 yards out! Raiders win! Ladies, keep an eye on your drinks tonight because Janikowski is coming to a bar near you! Free roofies for everyone!

6:43PM: Random final question. Which is worst?

1) Being faced in 3 games by an inferior team?
2) Watching that team get smoked in the next round?
3) Blowing a 3-1 series lead?

I still think it's #1.

Go Rays.

Why We Love This Game...

My buddy Brent sent me this today and I thought it was worth sharing:

Today is the 20th Anniversary of Game 1 of the 1988 World Series where Kirk Gibson stumbled into a backdoor slider from Dennis Eckersley and began the slowest home run trot ever.

I'm passing along this information because:

A. I'm old, and I wanted each of you to feel old, too.

B. I remember exactly where I was when the homer was hit

(In my parents basement. My yelling woke them up, since it was after midnight).

I had nothing invested in either team, yet I was watching every pitch.

After the Cubs debacle this year, it's nice to be reminded why I fell in love with the game in the first place.

That homer is probably one of the first clear memories I have of the World Series. Damn thing gives my goosebumps EVERY time they show it. I think that may be the greatest baseball highlight of my lifetime. I challenge my 3 readers to think of a better one.

Go Baseball.

Another Name for a Venal or Unscrupulous Person.

What is a "Whore," Alex?

Since I still refuse to address the "elephant in the room," I needed something to occupy my time until I could express my hatred in coherent sentences.

So...

I decided the best way to heal my wounds was to degrade myself by selling my services to the highest bidder on ebay. I wish I was joking.



Look what you have driven me to you underachieving bunch of bastards!

Damn you! Damn you straight to hell.

Go Cu....ah forget it.

Cubs Swept. National Joke Continues.

Writer's Note: This is going to be a ridiculous rant written in the immediate aftermath of the Game 3 loss. It will be full of vitriol and probably not all that coherent. After sleeping on it, I probably won't be this pissed and will most likely regret posting tonight. But hey, writing it made me feel better. So I'm leaving it up.

What a waste of a summer.

First and foremost-If anyone says a word about a curse, they should be punched in the face. Repeatedly. This isn’t about 1969 or 1984 or anything else in the history of this franchise. Those teams have nothing to do with the garbage that we had to sit through this week. I don’t care about black cats, billy goats, or anything like that. To blame this on some nonexistent curse would be to absolve this team of the responsibility for this disaster.

This team just flat out choked. There is no other description for the abortion that has taken place over the last four days.

Everybody knows that five game playoff series are a crap shoot-a little bounce here and there mean a lot. They tell you almost nothing about who the better team truly is. But let’s be clear: this series was not a crap shoot. This was a team crapping down its leg. There are no two ways about it. It wasn’t about a couple pitches or at bats. If they would have lost this series in a few close games that just didn’t work out, I would have been upset, but I would have lived with it.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t a series of close games that just didn’t work out. It was a bunch of guys who showed no guts whatsoever and couldn’t handle the pressure of the playoffs, completely and utterly embarrassing themselves in the process. They deserve to be the national joke that they’ve just become.

Some wonderful truths about this series:

This is only the second time since 1969 that the team with the best record in the league has gotten swept in the first round.

The Cubs had as many errors as runs in the series.

The Cubs (who, by the way, led the league in OBP this year) had 6 walks in the entire series. The Dodgers had that many walks by the FIFTH INNING OF GAME ONE.

None of the three Cubs starters even made it five innings in any start.

And almost impossibly, Alfonso Soriano was actually worse in this year’s series (1-14) than last year (2-14). Only six years and about $100 million left on that contract!

Pathetic. Nothing short of pathetic. I hate this team. I hate every player. Every single goddamn one. I have never in my life been this disgusted with a Cubs team. This is not the lovable losers-they’re just a bunch of fucking losers. I’m tired of this wait until next year crap. All of you on this team can shove it.

It’s simple: from now on, if you play like champions you’ll get treated like champions. Play like shit and you’ll get treated like shit-and you deserve nothing better. Enough of this standing and cheering for 2 strike counts in the 3rd inning of a game in May. Prove you’re a real team with professionals who can handle pressure situations and I’ll be happy to devote all my energy to you. But I’m not going to let this ever happen again.

Every one of those 97 wins this year was utterly and completely worthless. You have just pissed away all the goodwill you’ve built up with this fanbase all year. You wasted my time and the time of every fan who devoted even an ounce of emotion into your craptacular season. Thanks a lot, you gutless losers.

Maybe I Wasn't Clear Enough Before...

1) Throw Strikes.
2) Play Good Defense.
3) Walk Manny Whenever Possible.

Maybe just give it a shot and see what happens. I mean, you can't get any worse...

Go Cubs.

Alyssa thinks...

you should head over to College of Idiots to read another awesome guest post!

Go Cubs.

Are You There God? It's Me, Carlos.

Oh boy.

That wasn't really the start to the post season I was picturing. Apparently, Dempster isn't one of my three readers and missed the post yesterday about throwing strikes. Crap.

So now what?

Well, if we were ranking worst-case scenarios...this one is probably top 3, maybe even #1. Why? The LAST thing we need tonight is Carlos thinking he has to play the hero. The man has enough trouble keeping it together normally, what do you think will happen when he assumes it's his job to save the Cubs season? I know that answer. He's gonna try to throw the ball THROUGH Soto.

Maybe I'm a pessimist, but just the thought of a pumped up Z out there tonight throwing straight-as-an-arrow 97 MPH heaters gives me IBS. We all know Carlos works best at or below 94 MPH. That's when his sinker is most effective. Basically, in Z's case, speed kills. So the more emotional he is or the more pressure he puts on himself, the harder he throws. The harder he throws, the less the ball sinks. The less the ball sinks, the more it stays in the zone. The more it stays in the zone, the sooner we can start talking about next year.

I am a fan of Carlos, don't get me wrong, but this is the EXACT scenario that was keeping me up at night. Z on the mound at home in a must-win game. Most pitchers feed off these high pressure situations. Z loses his friggin' mind. The only way it could be worse was if let's say the umps seemed to be enforcing a smaller strike zone than normal...oh wait. So not only will Z be over-throwing every pitch, he won't be getting the calls he thinks he should be getting. I'm sure that will improve the situation. Kill me now.

I could be totally wrong about this, who knows. Maybe Carlos is a different beast this fall. Maybe he can channel his emotions like he did up in Miller Park. Maybe he can hit his spots and dominate. I THINK he can. I'll BELIEVE IT after I see his MPH in the 1st.

No pressure radar gun dude.

Go Cubs.