Time to Dust(y) Off the Live Blog

What better way to celebrate Dusty Baker's first visit to Wrigley in 2009 than with a live blog! Why a live blog you ask? Two reasons.

1) It's what we do here at FOTG when we are all out of original ideas.
2) It means I am not at the game tonight, which is better for everyone.

Stay tuned!

Go Cubs.

7:00PM:
If there is a better highlight than walk-off HR against the Cards, I have never seen it. Starting a bit late today, which gives us a few extra minutes with Len and Bob. Life is good.

7:02PM:
Fans of the new 90120 must hate the Cubs. They keep having their show bumped to midnight by these 7PM starts. Speaking of the new 90210, who the hell is still watching that pile of trash?

7:06PM:
I always feel bad for the Cubs Care guy. The only time he gets to be interviewed on air is during a rain delay...when no one is watching.

7:10PM:
Lou's dynamite analysis of Harden. 1) He needs to get his pitch count down. 2) Rich should be able to handle tonight's weather because he's from Canada. Wow.

7:12PM:
Lou's dynamite analysis of the weather. "If it's nice out you play, if it's not you don't." Thanks again, Lou.

7:15PM:
Game time. Micah still playing right. Let's do this.

7:18PM:
Dusty is still a douche. Just wanted to get that out of the way.

7:20PM:
Rich has the nasty stuff working tonight in the 1st. Will he have it in the 3rd is the question of the night.

7:21PM:
If I was betting on the commercial we see the most tonight, I'd say it's the Will.I.AM-Bob Dylan Pepsi ad. I've already seen it 4 times in the last 15 minutes.

7:24PM:
Wow. Jay Bruce nearly ran over Taveras. Would have been great for the Cubs and disastrous for my fantasy team.

7:26PM:
Gotta love a long stretch of games in a row. Gives me an excuse to drink each day.

7:27PM:
D-Lee flies out, again. I know it's still early, but I am starting to believe that 2005 was a fluke.

7:29PM:
Damn, I forgot about the Comcast triple play ad. It's gonna be a tight race between that and the Pepsi ad. Am I the only one who notices these things.

7:30PM:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. There was just a teaser for the WGN news tonight that mentioned the Midwest's largest strip club is opening soon. Why am I just hearing about this now?

7:32PM:
Fontenot makes a bid for a web gem with his "leap" and grab of a looping liner. Great play. Jay Bruce follows with a HR. Bad play (unless, hypothetically, you have him on your fantasy team).
1-0 Reds.

7:35PM:
I have no stats to back this up, but I think Harden does better when he doesn't have a ton of strikeouts. I'd check Cubs.com to verify this theory, but I'd rather surf for porn.

7:37PM:
Our first Micah v. Micah match-up is won by Hoffpauir. Suck on that, Owings. (I have no idea if I spelled either of those names correctly.)

7:42PM:
Anytime Aramis plays in weather like this, I pray for homers and singles. The last thing we need is for him to pull his groin trying to leg out a double. Actually, that may apply to all weather conditions now that I think about it.

7:44PM:
First Micah HR of a Micah. That's a stat we all needed. Thanks WGN!

7:45PM:
Geo still struggling, although he did move the always-grimacing-when-he-runs-just-to-scare-the-shit-out-of-me Aramis to third with a fly ball.

7:48PM:
Anyone who still boos when the pitcher throws to first should be kicked in the junk. Repeatedly. Why are you booing? Are you in a hurry?

7:49PM:
Theriot stays surface-of-the-sun hot and smokes a single to left. 2-1 good guys. Harden follows with a beautiful bunt that results in a hit. Bases drunk for you know who.

7:51PM:
Even with the bases loaded and the wind blowing in from left, I'd walk him. That's why my phone never rings when there is a managing vacancy.

7:55PM:
Fuku is first pitch swinging (because that makes sense when the pitcher is wild) and flies out to center. Cubs leave them loaded, but score two in the inning. That's so Cubs.

7:57PM:
Unrelated: My wife is getting her hair cut tonight and when I asked her how long it would take, she said "two hours." She wasn't joking. Reason #4,567 I'm glad I'm a dude.

7:59PM:
Two straight Ks for Harden. He apparently didn't read my scouting report. Jerk.

8:01PM:
Willy T. pops out to Lee at the exact same moment that I realize I didn't start Bruce this week. Coincidence? I doubt it.

8:03PM:
Two things. 1) Why does Brenly have to scream the promotions he reads? 2) What does D-Lee have against taking a pitch?

8:04PM:
Micah v. Micah Round 2 goes to Hoff with a base on balls. All is for not as Aramis grounds into a DP. Hooray.

8:10PM:
A stray cat wandered onto the field and a security guy decided to pick it up by its tail...which got him booed by those in attendance. That might be the first legit boo by Cubs fans in years. That guy better watch out for the PETA mafia on his way home tonight. Just saying.

8:17PM:
And...then the fans ruin their one-straight good boo streak by booing a fan for catching a not-at-all-in-play foul ball near the "Bartman area" in left. Good times. 2-2 after three and a half.

8:25PM:
Theriot's .415 BA is making it harder and harder for me to hate him for no particular reason. Striking out, though, keeps the hatred alive. Cubs go quietly in the 4th.

8:29PM:
Unrelated #2: An anonymous tipster sent the Consumerist a picture of a new Burger King sandwich that is in the works that is a "sloppy joe inside a fried shell."

It may be because I am starving, but that sounds delicious.

8:35PM:
Willy Taveras uses his speed to reach with an infield single, followed by Brenly using "ironically" wrong. Not sure which one makes me more mad. D-Lee digs out a throw from Theriot to end the inning. Still dueces up (2-2).

8:41PM:
How long does Fuku have to play well this year to be considered a non-bust? 150 games? 130? Seems like everyone I talk to is just waiting for his collapse to begin. In interest of full disclosure, I am one of those people.

8:45PM:
D-Lee CRUSHES it to left, but the wind holds it in. Fortunately for the Cubs, the OF somehow muffs it and the bases are again intoxicated. I know there is no way to measure this, but that may be the hardest hit single of all time.

8:48PM:
Micah v. Micah round 3 again goes to Micah H. as he hits a sac fly to deep center. 3-2 Cubs. (YELLING) Larry, I have the rounds at 10-7 (knockdown), 10-9, 10-8! Micah Owings needs a big round here or he's got not chance!

8:54PM:
Speaking of boxing (see what I did there?), Aramis lands the knockout blow with a RBI single to right and Micah is down for the count. 4-2 Cubs.

8:56PM:
Bad omen? Bud Light Fan Cam, featuring the musical styling of Wang Chung tonight, experiences some technical difficulties. Not good. Not good at all.

8:58PM:
Reds reliever Lincoln plunks Fontenot and walks Soto which plates a run and brings...wait for it...brings Dick Pole to the Mound. I think I have that DVD somewhere. 5-2 Cubs as we head to the 6th.

9:07PM:
I am pretty sure that the Reds didn't score in the 6th, but I helping the wife pack for Baltimore. Unrelated #3: While I have never been to Baltimore, I am nearly certain that the question "Do you wanna go to Baltimore?" is always answered with "Not even on a dare."

9:12PM:
Soriano smokes the bag with a ball and somehow ends up with a double. During the play, Votto takes out the legs of Bruce and nearly ends the season of both my fantasy teams simultaneous. I may have pooped myself a little bit.

9:18PM
Lincoln apparently is attempting to throw pitches with his eye closed again. He hits Fuku and then walks D-Lee. Dusty FINALLY gives him the hook. I know I speak for everyone when I say that if nothing else, Dusty is a god when it comes to managing his pitchers.

9:21PM
Bob Brenly just describes the motion needed to throw a screw ball as "turning a door knob counter-clockwise if you are a righty and clockwise if you are a lefty." I hurt my forearm just thinking about that. I'm day to day with an arm.

9:23PM
After Reed strikes out, Aramis says "I FEAR NOT YOUR SILLY PITCH!" with a two-run scoring single to right. 7-2 Tiny Bears.

9:29PM
Even with a 7-2 lead, this bullpen's not-being-able-to-get-outs-ness worries me.

9:36PM
The Class 4A basketball champs are gonna sing? THE CLASS 4A BASKETBALL CHAMPS ARE GONNA SING!

9:38PM
As the fans begin their on-going debate over which field "sucks," The Riot keeps on keeping on with another single. Two on, two out as Aaron Miles (Sucks) comes in to pinch "hit." Color me excited.

9:43PM
A full five minutes later, Aaron Miles (Sucks) is still at the dish. Will wonders never cease?

9:44PM
Aaron Miles (Sucks) strikes out, proving my question to be rhetorical.

9:48PM
Neal Cotts is warming up which means somewhere in Chicago a Cubs fan is crying.

9:49PM
The bases continue to be unable to hold their liquor as they are now loaded for D-Lee. With two outs making it impossible for him to hit into a DP, I am guessing walk.

9:53PM
Lee proves me wrong and flies out to shortest left. Sigh.

9:59PM
Cotts follows a full-count K with a first pitch single and a walk. Somewhere in Chicago a Cubs fan has thrown something breakable at something hard.

10:04PM
Cotts is relieved of his duties (let us hope permanently) as Marmol comes in and induces a quick fly out. He then proceeds to throw at Jay Bruce's knee solidifying the fact that God hates my fantasy team. Marmol K's Bruce and the the lead remains 5.

10:07PM
We have a late charge in the most seen commercial race tonight as Southwest's "Lady Boxing Out On the Elevator" makes its move!

10:07PM
Bob and Len discuss how far it is from Puerto Rico to Seattle. That's what you get with a 5-run lead.

10:12PM
Is it just me or does it seem like they crank up the outfield mics in games like this? All I can hear are the drunken morons screaming at each other. Maybe I'm just getting old and cranky.

10:16PM
Maybe I am an idiot, but why exactly is Bradley appealing his suspension? Since he's not on the DL, he would have served his suspension already if he doesn't hit tonight. I understand there are principalities involved here, but they seem trivial at best.

10:12PM
Viscaino in to close it out. All 3,000 fans left are thrilled.

10:25PM
The ump appears to have no plans tonight as he calls a borderline strike three pitch a ball. Next pitch is hit off the wall. Jerry Hairston Jr. then gets booed for no reason other than the drunks kind of remember his name...sort of.

10:25PM
JHJ takes strike three looking and the Cubs wrap up another one. Time to sing.

Go Cubs.

Guest Post: "Manager" Dusty Baker

Greetings Cubs Fans!

It's your old pal Dusty. I was just sitting in my office today, bumming about my Reds being eliminated from the postseason again, when Aaron Harang stopped by. Dudes, talk about a Debbie Downer. He kept blabbing on and on about how I basically destroyed his career and how it was my fault that all the Reds pitchers were having arm troubles (blah blah blah) and, well, I started to drift off.

I mean, how many times can I hear that same sob story? Am I right? Anyway, I was reminiscing my career and I started to think about the good ole days when I was back on the North Side. We had some fun, didn't we? We laughed. We cried. Well, mostly you cried.

Dudes, I'm kidding!

Anyway, so I was sitting here thinking about you guys and I realized that you have got to be FREAKED OUT about the losing streak. If I remember correctly, you guys aren't too keen on losing streaks up there.

Hah! I'm a riot, aren't I?

So I thought to myself, "Hey Dusty, why not send your old pals a pick-me-up. Give them something to feel good about this weekend, other than joy of playing my Reds."

So here it is. My gift to you, Cubs fans. Enjoy!

Dusty's Top 5 Things Worse Than a Five Game Losing Streak

5. Kyle Orton is Your Team's Starting QB.

4. Carlos Quentin Just Went 187 On Your Fantasy Team.

3. You left your bag in plain view of Tatum Bell.

2. You chose to attend Wheaton College for the parties.

1. You're Jay Mariotti.

See, don't you feel better? That's what I thought. No need to thank me.

Go Cubs...er I mean...Reds! Go Reds!

With Dusty, There's Bloodlusty...

Alright boys and girls, the day is finally upon us. Sharpen your pitchforks! Light those torches! The individual who cost the Cubs the 2003 World Series is back in town!

No, not the baby-faced SS.


It couldn't have been his fault.

No, not the kid with the "golden arm" and "perfect mechanics."



Of course, he shouldn't shoulder (zing!) the blame.

Not the "fan that remains nameless" either. Only a moron would point the finger at that poor bastard.

There is only one person so amazingly inept, so completely clueless, so totally void any redeemable qualities who could have been responsible for ripping that World Series trophy right out of the hands of our Chicago Cubs.

Who is this evil spawn of Satan you ask?

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That's right.

Darren f#%ing Baker.

Disagree? Well, it makes about as much sense to me as blaming his dad. After reading 8 billion "Dusty's Back and There's Gonna Be Some Trouble" articles over the past 2 days, I had to speak up. Have we all gone collectively bat-shit crazy in this town?

Explain to me why he is forever the goat (double zing!) for what was an monumental collapse by by an entire team?

Did he boot the tailor-made double play ball?

Nope.

Did he give up 42 runs in that 8th inning?

Not by what my scorecard reads.

Did he leave Prior in too long when it was SO obvious to EVERYONE in the stadium, watching on TV and listening to the radio that our young pitcher was more that just a little bit rattled by the foul ball fiasco and "The Error," but he had in fact already jumped the tracks, caught fire and had gone careening into a tree taking out a bunch of crippled school children in the process (metaphorically speaking of course)?

Actually, don't answer that last one.

All I'm saying is that while Dusty may have his faults, 2003 wasn't all on him. As you light your effigies and start your witty "Dusty Sucks" chants tonight, try to remember where the blame truly belongs.

Right here.

I kid, Darren. I kid, you adorable little SOB.

Go Cubs.

(EXPLETIVE DELETED) Let Them Eat Cake

I loathe Dusty Baker’s managing style. I loathe his unwillingness to accept criticism. I loathe his attitude about OBP and “walks clogging bases.” I loathe his wristbands. Overall, however, he seems like a nice enough guy who is just really, really bad at managing a baseball team. The majority of the old-school media doesn't really see it that way, of course.

The column today by Melissa Isaacson is one of many puff pieces about Baker that the media likes to trot out during a season (by the way, if Baker’s team finishes anywhere near .500, be ready for the avalanche of “screw those stat-head geeks! Dusty Baker wins!” columns). Its annoying, filled with whining from Baker and Chris Speier, and generally the kind of drivel that most columnists pull out on days when both the home teams have off days. No harm, no foul.

However, the shot that Paul Sullivan takes at Chris Speier in response to Speier’s unnecessary whining is ridiculous.


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He writes:

Chris Speier's contention in today's Tribune story on Dusty Baker that the Chicago media was responsible for Baker's downfall is ludicrous. The Cubs had the worst record in the National League in 2006, and Baker was the manager. By and large, the media was fair to Baker, as it was to Speier following his arrest for riding his motorcycle while intoxicated in '06.

Read: “The all-powerful media cannot be criticized. If you dare criticize us, we will take cheap shots at your personal mistakes and generally make you appear to be everything short of a pedophile.” Jeesh Paul, you’d think the holier-than-thou attitude might want to take a back seat for awhile, especially considering the Trib’s stock price is roughly at the level of pets.com right about now. He goes on to state:

The Pirates owners spent $250,000 last off-season to install windows on the press box at PNC Park. It was the only press box in the majors without windows, as the previous owners decided it was OK to build a new ballpark and have the reporters rained on during games while writing their game stories.

I’m guessing that the 95% of Cubs fans who would do your job for free might not be as whiny when it comes to minor things like getting a little wet when you’re writing about Major League Baseball for a living.

In case you hadn’t noticed, the influence of print media is dying a not-so-slow death, and readers don’t exactly swarm to articles that emphasize the power of the big, bad media or complain about the jobs the beat writers have to do. There’s a reason why guys like Bill Simmons are (or at least used to be) popular...their appeal to the average fan. The minute you not only emphasize, but complain about the tenets of your job as conduit between fans and athletes, you cease to become that conduit and become an obstacle to the fan’s experience. And then people stop reading you and move on to idiots who write about eating sandwiches in the bathroom at Wrigley and girls who refuse to wear underpants. Wait…check that. Keep alienating the fans. Keep complaining about the minor inconveniences you have while doing every fan’s dream job. We could use the hits.

If the War Room's A-Rocking...

Sorry for the lack of posts the last couple of days. We are gearing up for our big fantasy draft tomorrow and I've been locked in my room glued to ESPN.com trying to find out how Marty's all-time favorite manager is going to f#@@ up another fantasy season.

This quote from ESPN.com fantasy expert James Quintong's article sends shivers down my spine:

"If I were relying on Votto and/or Bruce to make a significant impact in the majors this year, I'd be downright terrified. I would also feel somewhat uneasy about Harang, Dunn and Bronson Arroyo."

Eeek!

I wish I could draft a team of ALL players ruined by Baker over the years and then just sit back and watch the wins pile up. What? You're telling me a team anchored by Prior, Wood and Patterson (just to name a few mentioned in the article) wouldn't destroy everyone? Oh, that is what you're telling me? Never mind then.

I hope to post something more substantial later tonight or maybe Marty and I can live-blog the draft (because nothing gets everyone excited quite like reading how someone else's fantasy draft went, blow by tedious blow).

Go Cubs.

Guest Post: Walks Clog Bases Edition

Good friend of ours here at FOTG found this quote before Marty and I did, so I thought instead of just stealing the info and claiming it for myself, I'd give credit where credit is due.

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From Brent's email (emphasis added by me):

I was going to put this quote from Dusty Baker (And subsequent analysis from ESPN.com) in the comments section of the blog, but I didn't think enough people would see it. To make it more fun for you the reader, please envision Marty's face and subsequent reaction as Dusty explains essentially "why walks clog bases":

"He needs to swing some more. I talked to him about that. ... I think a lot of this on-base percentage is taking away some of the aggressiveness of some of the young kids to swing the bat." The "he" Baker is referring to is Joey Votto, though the skipper lumped "three true outcomes" slugger Adam Dunn into the discussion later. Apparently Baker doesn't understand the value of Votto's patience; he's a .385 career on-base performer for his minor league career an approach that was responsible for him registering a .321 batting average and .908 OPS in 24 games of a late-season call-up for the Reds. Votto really doesn't need to change, but allow this to serve as the first official indication that he doesn't quite fall in line with the Baker game plan. It's a very real worry that youngsters might suffer in the Baker regime, and with contact hitter Scott Hatteberg his competition, Votto could by all rights be Triple-A bound.

To quote the Sports Guy...I am without speech.

Go Cubs.

UPDATE:

I forgot to add Marty's response to that email.

Instead of giving my usual disbelief about how this guy just doesn't learn and how much more fun its going to be to watch him do what he does to a team that's not the Cubs, I'll give you a quote from Baker that was in another article I read about him this spring:

Baker said he sometimes sits in his office staring into space, pondering and pontificating over things of this nature, "And sometime I just sit here and nothing comes."

Truer words were never spoken.

Go Cubs.