Is There Anyone We Can Beat?

Something happened (again) yesterday as I watched another Cubs game.

I gave up.

That's right.

I gave up the moment the Cubs found themselves down TWO runs.

During other seasons, channel surfing during a Cubs game was a no-no for me. The only exceptions were 10+ run deficits, Bob Howry appearances or Top Gun.

Not so much this year. Heck, I thought about turning it off after a run scored FROM SECOND on a wild pitch. FROM SECOND! And don't even get me started on the whole second and third with no outs bed-crapping suckfest in the 8th (I feel bad for those of you who were still watching).

To make matters worse, it was the Pirates. The 36-41 Pirates (which sounds really bad until I realized the Cubs were 36-38...kill me now). To make matters even worser (yes, I'm aware that is not a word, but somehow it seems perfect for this team), Lilly was on the mound. That's Ted Lilly, your Chicago Cubs 2009 All-Star.

Maybe this is the low point. Not this game, but this road trip. Maybe Aramis will ride in on his white stallion and save the season. Maybe Smarj is the stabilizing force the bullpen needs. Maybe Soriano can remember that bat must meet ball to produce a hit. Maybe Lee can keep his hot streak going. Maybe Fontenot will slip in the shower and none of us will have to watch him bat EVER again this year.

That's a lot of maybes, I know. But when I find myself watching America's Got Talent INSTEAD of the Cubs games, that's all I've got.

Go Cubs.

The Curse of the Z No-No

The goat has absolved me of my sin.

Ok, so I have good news and bad news.

The good news is that after months of racking my brain, trying to figure out what has turned the Cubs from favorites to frustrating-as-f#&k...I finally figured it out. As it turns out, it isn't the DeRo trade. Nor the bullpen. It's not the poor play of Soto and Bradley. It isn't even the injury to Aramis. No, sadly the lackluster play of the Cubs since the end of the 2008 regular season is the result of something...else.

Which brings me to the bad news.

This is all my fault.

As I mentioned in my 90210 Playoff Preview last September, there was a certain game last year in Milwaukee that I kinda, sorta missed.

Let's let 2008 J Dot explain:

In interest of full disclosure, I missed the no-hitter on Sunday thanks to a combination of my stupidity and my strict adherence to arbitrary jinxing rules. That's why I neglected to post about it. I felt like a turd for missing one of the greatest Cubs games in my lifetime and couldn't bring myself to try to fake like I had been watching it. To my three avid readers, I apologize.

Yeah, I know. I am not the brightest knife in the chandelier. But don't worry it gets much, much worse.

After the regular season ended, WGN decided to re-air the Zambrano no-hitter for those of us dumb enough to have missed it the first time. So, I recorded it. But with the playoffs just around the corner, I never got around to watching it.

So...

When the Cubs crapped the bed and made a quick exit in the playoffs, down at the bottom of my DVR was a program titled "MLB Baseball: Chicago Cubs at Milwaukee Brewers."

When the Jim Hendry went bat-shit crazy on us and traded away not one, but TWO clubhouse leaders and replaced them with "players" like Kevin Gregg and Aaron Miles, down at the bottom of my DVR was a program titled "MLB Baseball: Chicago Cubs at Milwaukee Brewers."

When the bullpen forgot how to make the round white thing go over the pentagon-shaped white thing, down at the bottom of my DVR was a program titled "MLB Baseball: Chicago Cubs at Milwaukee Brewers."

When players started dropping like flies and the bats took a sabbatical, down at the bottom of my DVR was a program titled "MLB Baseball: Chicago Cubs at Milwaukee Brewers."

Now, I wonder what the common denominator was during this fun little eight-month tailspin?

Oh. Right. My bad.

But have no fear, my four readers, there is a silver lining. I deleted the game (without watching it of course, I'm not a complete idiot) on Friday morning. Since then, the Cubs are 2-1.

Curse lifted.

You're welcome.

Go Cubs.

Time to Dust(y) Off the Live Blog

What better way to celebrate Dusty Baker's first visit to Wrigley in 2009 than with a live blog! Why a live blog you ask? Two reasons.

1) It's what we do here at FOTG when we are all out of original ideas.
2) It means I am not at the game tonight, which is better for everyone.

Stay tuned!

Go Cubs.

7:00PM:
If there is a better highlight than walk-off HR against the Cards, I have never seen it. Starting a bit late today, which gives us a few extra minutes with Len and Bob. Life is good.

7:02PM:
Fans of the new 90120 must hate the Cubs. They keep having their show bumped to midnight by these 7PM starts. Speaking of the new 90210, who the hell is still watching that pile of trash?

7:06PM:
I always feel bad for the Cubs Care guy. The only time he gets to be interviewed on air is during a rain delay...when no one is watching.

7:10PM:
Lou's dynamite analysis of Harden. 1) He needs to get his pitch count down. 2) Rich should be able to handle tonight's weather because he's from Canada. Wow.

7:12PM:
Lou's dynamite analysis of the weather. "If it's nice out you play, if it's not you don't." Thanks again, Lou.

7:15PM:
Game time. Micah still playing right. Let's do this.

7:18PM:
Dusty is still a douche. Just wanted to get that out of the way.

7:20PM:
Rich has the nasty stuff working tonight in the 1st. Will he have it in the 3rd is the question of the night.

7:21PM:
If I was betting on the commercial we see the most tonight, I'd say it's the Will.I.AM-Bob Dylan Pepsi ad. I've already seen it 4 times in the last 15 minutes.

7:24PM:
Wow. Jay Bruce nearly ran over Taveras. Would have been great for the Cubs and disastrous for my fantasy team.

7:26PM:
Gotta love a long stretch of games in a row. Gives me an excuse to drink each day.

7:27PM:
D-Lee flies out, again. I know it's still early, but I am starting to believe that 2005 was a fluke.

7:29PM:
Damn, I forgot about the Comcast triple play ad. It's gonna be a tight race between that and the Pepsi ad. Am I the only one who notices these things.

7:30PM:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. There was just a teaser for the WGN news tonight that mentioned the Midwest's largest strip club is opening soon. Why am I just hearing about this now?

7:32PM:
Fontenot makes a bid for a web gem with his "leap" and grab of a looping liner. Great play. Jay Bruce follows with a HR. Bad play (unless, hypothetically, you have him on your fantasy team).
1-0 Reds.

7:35PM:
I have no stats to back this up, but I think Harden does better when he doesn't have a ton of strikeouts. I'd check Cubs.com to verify this theory, but I'd rather surf for porn.

7:37PM:
Our first Micah v. Micah match-up is won by Hoffpauir. Suck on that, Owings. (I have no idea if I spelled either of those names correctly.)

7:42PM:
Anytime Aramis plays in weather like this, I pray for homers and singles. The last thing we need is for him to pull his groin trying to leg out a double. Actually, that may apply to all weather conditions now that I think about it.

7:44PM:
First Micah HR of a Micah. That's a stat we all needed. Thanks WGN!

7:45PM:
Geo still struggling, although he did move the always-grimacing-when-he-runs-just-to-scare-the-shit-out-of-me Aramis to third with a fly ball.

7:48PM:
Anyone who still boos when the pitcher throws to first should be kicked in the junk. Repeatedly. Why are you booing? Are you in a hurry?

7:49PM:
Theriot stays surface-of-the-sun hot and smokes a single to left. 2-1 good guys. Harden follows with a beautiful bunt that results in a hit. Bases drunk for you know who.

7:51PM:
Even with the bases loaded and the wind blowing in from left, I'd walk him. That's why my phone never rings when there is a managing vacancy.

7:55PM:
Fuku is first pitch swinging (because that makes sense when the pitcher is wild) and flies out to center. Cubs leave them loaded, but score two in the inning. That's so Cubs.

7:57PM:
Unrelated: My wife is getting her hair cut tonight and when I asked her how long it would take, she said "two hours." She wasn't joking. Reason #4,567 I'm glad I'm a dude.

7:59PM:
Two straight Ks for Harden. He apparently didn't read my scouting report. Jerk.

8:01PM:
Willy T. pops out to Lee at the exact same moment that I realize I didn't start Bruce this week. Coincidence? I doubt it.

8:03PM:
Two things. 1) Why does Brenly have to scream the promotions he reads? 2) What does D-Lee have against taking a pitch?

8:04PM:
Micah v. Micah Round 2 goes to Hoff with a base on balls. All is for not as Aramis grounds into a DP. Hooray.

8:10PM:
A stray cat wandered onto the field and a security guy decided to pick it up by its tail...which got him booed by those in attendance. That might be the first legit boo by Cubs fans in years. That guy better watch out for the PETA mafia on his way home tonight. Just saying.

8:17PM:
And...then the fans ruin their one-straight good boo streak by booing a fan for catching a not-at-all-in-play foul ball near the "Bartman area" in left. Good times. 2-2 after three and a half.

8:25PM:
Theriot's .415 BA is making it harder and harder for me to hate him for no particular reason. Striking out, though, keeps the hatred alive. Cubs go quietly in the 4th.

8:29PM:
Unrelated #2: An anonymous tipster sent the Consumerist a picture of a new Burger King sandwich that is in the works that is a "sloppy joe inside a fried shell."

It may be because I am starving, but that sounds delicious.

8:35PM:
Willy Taveras uses his speed to reach with an infield single, followed by Brenly using "ironically" wrong. Not sure which one makes me more mad. D-Lee digs out a throw from Theriot to end the inning. Still dueces up (2-2).

8:41PM:
How long does Fuku have to play well this year to be considered a non-bust? 150 games? 130? Seems like everyone I talk to is just waiting for his collapse to begin. In interest of full disclosure, I am one of those people.

8:45PM:
D-Lee CRUSHES it to left, but the wind holds it in. Fortunately for the Cubs, the OF somehow muffs it and the bases are again intoxicated. I know there is no way to measure this, but that may be the hardest hit single of all time.

8:48PM:
Micah v. Micah round 3 again goes to Micah H. as he hits a sac fly to deep center. 3-2 Cubs. (YELLING) Larry, I have the rounds at 10-7 (knockdown), 10-9, 10-8! Micah Owings needs a big round here or he's got not chance!

8:54PM:
Speaking of boxing (see what I did there?), Aramis lands the knockout blow with a RBI single to right and Micah is down for the count. 4-2 Cubs.

8:56PM:
Bad omen? Bud Light Fan Cam, featuring the musical styling of Wang Chung tonight, experiences some technical difficulties. Not good. Not good at all.

8:58PM:
Reds reliever Lincoln plunks Fontenot and walks Soto which plates a run and brings...wait for it...brings Dick Pole to the Mound. I think I have that DVD somewhere. 5-2 Cubs as we head to the 6th.

9:07PM:
I am pretty sure that the Reds didn't score in the 6th, but I helping the wife pack for Baltimore. Unrelated #3: While I have never been to Baltimore, I am nearly certain that the question "Do you wanna go to Baltimore?" is always answered with "Not even on a dare."

9:12PM:
Soriano smokes the bag with a ball and somehow ends up with a double. During the play, Votto takes out the legs of Bruce and nearly ends the season of both my fantasy teams simultaneous. I may have pooped myself a little bit.

9:18PM
Lincoln apparently is attempting to throw pitches with his eye closed again. He hits Fuku and then walks D-Lee. Dusty FINALLY gives him the hook. I know I speak for everyone when I say that if nothing else, Dusty is a god when it comes to managing his pitchers.

9:21PM
Bob Brenly just describes the motion needed to throw a screw ball as "turning a door knob counter-clockwise if you are a righty and clockwise if you are a lefty." I hurt my forearm just thinking about that. I'm day to day with an arm.

9:23PM
After Reed strikes out, Aramis says "I FEAR NOT YOUR SILLY PITCH!" with a two-run scoring single to right. 7-2 Tiny Bears.

9:29PM
Even with a 7-2 lead, this bullpen's not-being-able-to-get-outs-ness worries me.

9:36PM
The Class 4A basketball champs are gonna sing? THE CLASS 4A BASKETBALL CHAMPS ARE GONNA SING!

9:38PM
As the fans begin their on-going debate over which field "sucks," The Riot keeps on keeping on with another single. Two on, two out as Aaron Miles (Sucks) comes in to pinch "hit." Color me excited.

9:43PM
A full five minutes later, Aaron Miles (Sucks) is still at the dish. Will wonders never cease?

9:44PM
Aaron Miles (Sucks) strikes out, proving my question to be rhetorical.

9:48PM
Neal Cotts is warming up which means somewhere in Chicago a Cubs fan is crying.

9:49PM
The bases continue to be unable to hold their liquor as they are now loaded for D-Lee. With two outs making it impossible for him to hit into a DP, I am guessing walk.

9:53PM
Lee proves me wrong and flies out to shortest left. Sigh.

9:59PM
Cotts follows a full-count K with a first pitch single and a walk. Somewhere in Chicago a Cubs fan has thrown something breakable at something hard.

10:04PM
Cotts is relieved of his duties (let us hope permanently) as Marmol comes in and induces a quick fly out. He then proceeds to throw at Jay Bruce's knee solidifying the fact that God hates my fantasy team. Marmol K's Bruce and the the lead remains 5.

10:07PM
We have a late charge in the most seen commercial race tonight as Southwest's "Lady Boxing Out On the Elevator" makes its move!

10:07PM
Bob and Len discuss how far it is from Puerto Rico to Seattle. That's what you get with a 5-run lead.

10:12PM
Is it just me or does it seem like they crank up the outfield mics in games like this? All I can hear are the drunken morons screaming at each other. Maybe I'm just getting old and cranky.

10:16PM
Maybe I am an idiot, but why exactly is Bradley appealing his suspension? Since he's not on the DL, he would have served his suspension already if he doesn't hit tonight. I understand there are principalities involved here, but they seem trivial at best.

10:12PM
Viscaino in to close it out. All 3,000 fans left are thrilled.

10:25PM
The ump appears to have no plans tonight as he calls a borderline strike three pitch a ball. Next pitch is hit off the wall. Jerry Hairston Jr. then gets booed for no reason other than the drunks kind of remember his name...sort of.

10:25PM
JHJ takes strike three looking and the Cubs wrap up another one. Time to sing.

Go Cubs.

One Shining Moment (Well, Three Actually)

What, you thought I'd put a picture of the NBA's next Cherokee Parks here? Keep dreaming.

So yesterday wasn't all bad, right? Before the national nightmare came to fruition (Tyler Hansbrough: NCAA Champion), your Chicago Cubs took the field for opening day 2009 and actually managed to win for once. Will wonders never cease? The game was entertaining and gave us a glimpse at what this latest version of Lou's club will play like. There was some good, some bad and some Fuku.

The Good
Aramis and Soriano
Leadoff homers? Check. Both Ramirez and Soriano seemed to be seeing the ball rather well last night and smacked a couple of Oswalt "fastballs" into the seats in left. Good sign. Both are now on pace for 162 HRs this year, which would be a record of some sort.

Big Z
I was a shocked as anyone to see Carlos pitching well on opening day. I guess that the 5th time is the charm. Sinker wasn't really working and he ran out of petrol towards the end, but a win is a win is a win is a win.

Bullpen
Heilman (aka the guy I forgot was on the club) looked decent pitching out of a mini-jam in the 7th. Marmol did his best Scott Schields impersonation (creating drama and then getting out of it) in the 8th and Gregg closed out a shaky 9th for the W. Could have been better, but at least now we know if nothing else, it's gonna be "entertaining" to watch these guys all year.

The Bad
D-Lee
0-fer with a K, two ground outs and one warning track power shot. Is it too early to replace him with Micah? Probably, but remember where you heard it first.

"Guys in the Truck"
Replays kept running over actual live ABs last night. Come on fellas, you are better than this. (Sorry, not a lot to be mad about after a win in the first game of the year.)

The Fuku
The now "acclimated" Fukudome went 0-fer and looked lost (still) at the plate. Brenly mentioned that it would "behoove" him to get off to a hot start which is about a 1000 times nicer than what I was saying about him. He looked so bad I was actually talking myself into a lineup with Bradley in center with Micah in right...and I was sober. Not a good start.

All in all, it was just great to have baseball back. I didn't realize how much I missed it until I found myself watching eight consecutive hours yesterday. God bless you, DirecTV and your free week of MLB Extra Innings.

Go Cubs.

PS. Thanks to Rush the Court, here is last night's One Shining Moment in case you missed it.

Spring Training Extras: Big Three Finale

Last but certainly not least...



First of 39 games begins shortly. Let's get it on.

Go Cubs.

Cubs Spring Training: Day Five Pictures

Good to see Santo and Sutcliffe at the park today.



Go Cubs.

Cubs Spring Training: Day Four Photos

48 Hours, 48 Questions

Hey look, it's a post with a theme!

So the FOTG team (or at least two of us) is a mere 48 hours away from our week-long excursion to Arizona. Spring Training is finally here! That being said, I realized that there is still a lot we don't know about this team and it's potential for heart-breakedness (copyright pending). So as I continue to count down the hours until "wheels down" in AZ, I thought I'd count down the top 48 questions I will attempt to answer during our time amongst Lou's crew.

1) What are the chances that Milton Bradley's ice glare will make me pee myself?

2) With sex symbol DeRo no longer with the club, who will be my wife's new creepy crush?

3) Which non-roster invitee will cause me to whisper "I was unaware he was still amongst the living?"

4) What is the over/under on the first Roberto Alomar AIDS-related joke?

5) How will I cope with a Spring Training sans Matt Murton and his ginger locks?

6) Since the NBA All-Star game is in town, will I regret not packing my Kevlar vest?

7) Will anyone outside the Japanese media be excited to see Fuku?

8) How many In-N-Out burgers is too many?

9) Will Marmol's arm fall off on Tuesday or Wednesday?

10) On the scale of 1-10, how awkward will the College of Idiots-FOTG meetup be?

11) Is there a place on the planet other that Arizona that I can both love and loathe at the same time?

12) Is it socially acceptable to drink at 9AM Western time?

13) Mountain time?

14) What the hell time zone is Arizona in again?

15) Can I hug Ron Santo without being tackled by security?

16) How much jail time would I get for punching Mark Giengreco in the junk?

17) At what point does hanging out on the ASU campus go from curiosity to pedophilia?

18) Will I be more excited to see an NBA player or an NBA groupie?

19) So Taguchi?

20) With a name like Rocky Roquet, how can you not make the team?

21) Is Bobby Scales the greatest Spring Training player ever?

22) Is it socially acceptable to drop-kick an eight-year-old while chasing down a foul ball?

23) Who wins in a knife fight, Len or Bob?

24) Why in the name of all that is holy do they have to start at 9 flippin' AM?

25) With Wuertz, Hill, Pie and Ronny gone, who will fill the void of suck?

26) What is the point of the WBC again and why is it a good idea to have Marmol pitching in it?

27) Lou Pinella, boxers or briefs?

28) If the guy sitting next to me at the blackjack table splits 10's, am I within my legal rights to end his life?

29) When staring at a stranger's wife's breasts in the hot tub, how long is too long?

30) Do baseball players work out in the off season or just eat?

31) Just as a precaution, shouldn't they just wrap Bradley, Harden and Soriano in bubble tape for the entire Spring Training?

32) How long after I put on my Murton jersey t-shirt will my friends start ripping me a new one?

33) Considering the level of "talent" present, what is the graduation rate for heterosexual males at ASU? 10%?

34) What kind a moron decides to do a list of 48 questions?

35) Whatever happened to 2005 Derrek Lee?

36) How many more years are left in Soriano's contract again?

37) Aaron Miles, seriously?

38) Am I supposed to be creeped out or honored having a Cubs player in full uniform at the urinal next to me?

39) Does Lou own an actual jersey or just a bunch of warm-ups?

40) Is there anything more inspiring than seeing Santo walking around a baseball field?

41) So, have they traded for Peavy yet?

42) Is there anyone under the age of 65 living in Mesa?

43) When Soriano gets hurt and both Bradley and Aramis need the day off, wouldn't it just be easier to forfeit that game?

44) Why does it seem like the Cubs are always stockpiling middle relievers who have trouble getting batters out?

45) What exactly is fungo?

46) Who in the hell is paying for Ronnie Woo-Woo's airfare year after year?

47) Over/Under on the number of times the phrase "He's gonna find a red tag in his locker" will be used?

48) Why don't we do this every year?

Go Cubs.

What I REALLY Wanted to Write Was...

So I wrote an initial reaction to Monday night's abomination in Arizona in which the Cubs couldn't score a single run against a 134 year old pitcher with a bad back. I also decided to point out the players that have been particularly putrid over the last few days for special commendation. Unfortunately, Jason has yelled at me for swearing too much in my posts, so I've replaced every curse word with a word from this blog. See if you can match up the happy words with the ones I actually wanted to write. It's like Mad-Libs. Or something. Here goes...

----

*Cotton candy eating* stupid bunch of mother *basketweaving* pieces of gutless *puppies*. I'd like to walk down to Arizona and tear every hitters' *Northern Exposure on DVDs* off and staple them to the wall. I hate every one of you *marshmallows*.

Bob Howry: Bob Howry can suck my *kittens*. The sooner that piece of *sunshine* is off this team, the better.

Daryle Ward: I have no idea why Daryle Ward's fat *basketweaving* *kitten* is still on this team either. I'm surprised his *basketweaving* *kitten* hasn't eaten his way out of the *basketweaving* league yet. Why don't you drop the *basketweaving* plow and get your stupid *kitten* to first base, you sack of *petrified sock monkeys*.

Derrek Lee: Here's a hint, Derrek-low and outside pitches are *basketweaving* balls. Stop making yourself look like a dumb *kitten* by swinging at them, you lifeless *basketweave*. Thanks for yet another *basketweaving* double-play, "petrified sock monkey" head.

Aramis Ramirez: Hey, its Mr. 0-for Post All Star Break. Why don't you go back to *pinwheel* fighting, because its clear you haven't brought your *pinwheel* back with you from the All Star Game.

Rich Harden: You're pretty good.

Any time you pieces of *walks on the beach* want to get your heads out of your *kittens* and realize that no matter what smoke and mirrors the *wonderful* Cardinals have, they are only two games behind you *basketweaves*. And the Brewers are actually good. I *basketweaving* hate writing that, but the *basketweaving* Brewers are *basketweaving* good. Now start playing *basketweaving* baseball the right *basketweaving* way or someone's going to have to put his foot in every one of your *kittens*. *Basketweave* every one of you.

Break-Up? No, I Just Wanted to Take a Break...

Dear Cubs.

We need to talk. I think I owe you an apology. After Thome hit that home run on Sunday, I said some things I'm not proud of. For that I am truly sorry, but you have to understand how frustrated you were making me.

As you finished up your series with Atlanta, we were having the time of our lives. Remember? Oh how we laughed as you completed the sweep of the Braves. We were on top of the world then. 19 games over .500 with an 11 game home winning streak and your longest losing streak at that point was only 2 games. Then you went on that trip up to Toronto. It's a terrible place to play and I could tell you missed home. But you toughed it out. That made me so proud. But that's when the trouble started.

You headed down to Tampa and it's like you became a totally different team. Do you remember our first fight? I remember it like it was yesterday. After losing a close first game, I should have noticed the early warning signs in game 2. First Johnson has back spasms, then Edmonds hurts his foot and then Z is pulled out with shoulder trouble. Z! I was so worried it was making me sick, but I still had faith in you. You had been so good to me all year that I knew you could bounce back. But you didn't. It's like you were trying to hurt me. 7 runs in the 7th? Was that some sort of joke? I was so angry when that game ended I could spit, but I told myself that you deserved my support. You had earned it. It was, after all, your first 3 game losing streak of the year and you were coming home to play the White Sox.

I was so excited for you to be back home that I could barely sleep that night. What a weekend! I mean, the walkoff HR and then those two straight DOMINATING wins! Unreal! It was like I had you back. Maybe it was all the travel that made you so bad in Tampa. "Maybe things will go back to normal now," I thought. I was confident you had righted the ship and with Baltimore coming to town, I knew in my heart that the worst was over.

Boy was I wrong. After losing two out of three to the Orioles (seriously, the Orioles!) I thought maybe you would at least show up against your crosstown rivals over the weekend. Not a chance. Do you know how embarrassing it is for me to root for you when you play like that? Did you even think of my feelings when you were serving up gopher ball after gopher ball? Did you even consider how much you hurt me with your sloppy defense and base-running gaffes? You didn't did you? Typical.

So, yes...after Thome hit that home run I turned off the TV. I cursed you and your lousy rotation. I bitched about Aramis' lack of hitting, your costly mistakea and all the other things you did wrong over the past two weeks. I prayed for rain outs in SF and St. Louis. What did you expect? But then I crossed the line. I said that I wasn't going to watch you play anymore. I meant it at the time sure, but when I woke up the next morning I realized that I had made a mistake. You've had so many injuries during this bad stretch and who knows, if one wild pitch had bounced a different way or if they hadn't decided to use semi-drunk minor league umps on Sunday, we might not be even having this discussion.

Unfortunately, being the stubborn man I am, I couldn't back down from my boycott. I had to show you that you had hurt me. So I did it. No TV, no radio...I even ignored my fantasy teams. It was hard. I kept wanting to peek at a score, but I couldn't. Then this morning, I turned on WGN news and saw that you won! I was so happy for you it was like I was floating. But then it hit me.

You won without me. You didn't need me cheering every hit or fretting over every pitch. I started to wonder, "Am I the reason you lost those games?" I know it sounds crazy, but I was truly worried.

That's why I wrote you this letter. I wanted to make sure that it was OK with you that I watched tonight. I know I was a jerk and you have every right to be mad. Just say the word and I'll stay away from you as long as you want. If you think I'm a jinx, so be it. But if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I'd love to be able to watch you play tonight. So what do you say? Can you cut this overly-obsessed, borderline insane and apparently really long-winded fan a break for old time's sake?

Go Cubs.

Milk Was A Bad Choice (a.k.a. Week In Review)

Well, Week 3 is in the books. Let's take a stroll down memory lane and see what we have learned from the week that was...

1) Marisa Miller is smoking hot.





I mean, wow. Just...wow.

2. D-Lee is NOT in fact DOA.

Coming off a "down" season last year and a shaky spring, there were some rumblings that maybe Lee had lost a step or two. The wrist injury had seemed to sap some of the power he displayed when he first joined the Cubs. Three weeks into this young season, let's take a look at how his numbers stack up so far.

I believe that could be qualified as a HUGE middle finger to his doubters.

Overall, he's 2nd in HR (only after Utley cranked out 2 on Sunday), 5th in Runs, 7th in RBI and 8th in BA. Not in the National League, mind you, in all of baseball. Yes, I am aware it's early, but its good to have D-Lee back.

3. Marty Brennaman IS in fact bat-shit crazy.


Busy week for Marty B. First, he called out Cubs fans for being obnoxious. Then he refused to back off of those statements by talking more shit about the Cubs.

"I said how tough it is to root for the Cubs. I think a lot of people feel the same way I do, but they won't articulate it. I'm not afraid to say what I think. [Compared to Cubs fans] Cardinals fans are hands down the best in baseball. They respect the game. They don't go to the game to do stupid stuff. The Cubs have some great baseball fans. But the ones who act like idiots (ruin) it for people like me."

And I'm sure all of you agree, I hate it when we ruin it for self-righteous windbags.

THEN, M to the B decided to take it up a notch. Tired of bashing a whole organization for the acts of a few drunken morons, he took out his "crazy old man" frustrations on his own broadcast partner.

Yep, I can totally see why he received the Ford Frick Award for “for major contributions to the game of baseball.”

I truly wish I was making that up.

4. Reed Johnson is the second coming of...Kenny Lofton? Craig Biggio?

Talk all you want about the "Pie Situation," but all this guy has done is rake since he was given the starting job.

BA: .354
SLG: .417
Runs: 8
RBI: 7

Ok, so those aren't All-Star numbers, but add to that the fact that he apparently doesn't EVER get out of the way of inside pitches (3 HBP in the last 3 days) and you have at least a serviceable player in center instead of say...a corpse.


5. Aramis is heating up with the weather (again)
(yes, I wrote this AFTER he just homered against the Mets, whatever)

He's gonna have another great year. So, for the love of God, stop talking about his lack of "hustle" or his occasional lapses in the field. He's a lock for 30-100 EVERY year. Enjoy it.

5a. Mark DeRosa is Mui Caliente!

Sorry.

My wife called me from home when DeRo took that header over the bullpen on Sunday and said:

"Is my boyfriend OK?"

Yep. I guess I should be happy she was at least watching the game. Right?

Go Cubs.

What I've Learned, Overraction Edition

The Cubs managed to blow a seven run lead for the first time in only 6 years, which is actually sadder than the whole “hundred years” thing. Good to see that blowing a seven run lead is actually not all that uncommon for the Cubs.

As usual, many have taken the opportunity to bring out their “jump to conclusions” mat one week into the season. Among the wonderful truths we’ve learned from the experts:

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1. Mark DeRosa is a complete bust and Brian Roberts could cure AIDS if he were playing 2B for the Cubs right now. Nevermind the fact that, up until yesterday, DeRosa was outhitting Roberts. Sure, he’s made some stupid errors. They even out over the course of a year. Now, if the team wanted to trade for Roberts and move DeRosa to shortstop, color me satisfied.

2. Alfonso Soriano is a bum. Hasn’t one year of this guy shown enough people that he will maybe hit .025 for 30 ABs or so, then hit 14 home runs in a month (like he did in, say, LAST SEPTEMBER)? Sure, all Cubs fans will want him dead by about year five of his contract, but for now, why not just be myopic for awhile?

3. Kerry Wood will be a bust as a closer…no wait, he’ll be good…no wait, he won’t be durable enough…no wait, he’ll be fine.

4. Aramis Ramirez is lazy and the Cubs need to trade him. Good God, this might be the most annoying habit of anyone and everyone associated with following the Cubs-they’d rather have Ryan Theriot hit .200 with a .225 OBP as long as he runs hard to first base and gets his uniform dirty, while Ramirez consistently hits 30-35 home runs, drives in over 100 runners, and “isn’t a winner.” Let’s say it together: This is not Little League. Trying hard does not make someone good. And not always trying hard does not make someone bad. Production matters. Deal with it.

5. Ryan Theriot would be better off as a bench player and really has no business batting at the top of the lineup. Okay, they got that one right.

Here's a thought-let's wait until game 15 before we write off the 2008 season.