Sox End Search For Big Name Pitcher One Word Short

The Trib is reporting today that the White Sox are on the verge of bringing back the slightly svelte Bartolo Colon with a one-year incentive-laden deal. Unfortunately, they took the high-road with their assessment of his...abilities.

"No one is sure what Colon has left in his 5-foot-11-inch, 250-plus-pound body. He started only seven games for Boston last year but won four of them before straining his back while batting in an interleague game."

Boring.

Thankfully, the Sun-Times was more than ready to step in with a zinger about his weight.

"The White Sox were looking to add a veteran pitcher to compete in the starting rotation at some point this offseason, and all signs pointed toward it being the pitcher nicknamed "Big Game.''

Rather than take a chance on the ailing shoulder of Freddy Garcia, however, they are now poised to ink a certain right-hander known more for his "Big Waist.''"

Tee-hee!

Get it? He wrote 'waist' instead of 'waste' because Colon is fat. I can't believe anyone would stoop so low as to attack a person's "dietary issues."

Personally, I think this signing is a giant mistake for the White Sox, not that my opinion carries much weight. Colon will turn 36 this year, which isn't a huge deal unless you care about velocity or durability. I mean, you have to be pretty thick in the head to think that the "4 wins in 7 starts" he posted last year is ample enough evidence to give him a shot. I understand that the contract isn't large by any means, but I doubt White Sox fans are getting a chubby thinking about Colon on the mound.

At least they still have Buehrle.

Go Cubs.

All Aboard!

FINALLY.

According to ESPN, the Cubs have inked everyone's favorite mental patient, Milton Bradley, to a 3-year, 30 million dollar deal. As you are probably well aware, I am a HUGE fan of this deal.

The Countdown to the Meltdown (trademark pending) begins in 3, 2, 1...

Wonder if I can write off a $200 Bradley jersey as a "business expense."

Go Cubs!

All I Want For Christmas.

Since the Cubs were outbid for the services of the ancient Raul Ibanez and they were unwilling to trade all of their players to get Peavy, all attention now shifts to one of my favorite players...

Milton Obelle Bradley.

I have always been a fan of his and not just because he's always one heckle away from going postal. The Cubs are in desperate need of an OF who can do the "little things" like hit, field and run. MOB can do all three pretty well.

And while he has a short fuse and enjoys throwing projectiles into the stands, I think he could actually be a good addition to the Cubs clubhouse. We have too many good guys on this team. Guys like Lee and DeRo are great about saying the right thing to the media. They smile and laugh. They talk about how "lucky they are to play a game for a living." The one thing they aren't good at is getting angry. Forget players only meetings and all that BS. The Cubs need a guy who has no problem sulking after a bad loss. They need a guy who curses at the media once in awhile. They need a guy who is just loopy enough to whip a bat at someones head if he feels he let the team down. That guy is Milton Bradley.

Not sold yet? Let me break it down then.

The Good:

In 123 games in 2008, MOB put up some nice numbers.

78 R, 22 HR, 77 RBI, 80 BB, .321 AVG, .436 OBP, .563 SLG and .999 OPS.

2008 Rankings:
1st in AL in OBP
1st in AL in OPS
4th in AL in SLG
3rd in AL in BA
10th in AL in BB.

Imagine those numbers in the Cubs already potent lineup. Did I mention he's a switch-hitter who can play all three outfield spots?

The Bad:

He’s what some baseball experts refer to as "a tad injury-prone."

19-Sep-08 Missed 2 games (left wrist injury).
12-Sep-08 Missed 2 games (wrist injury).
18-Aug-08 Missed 2 games (illness).
10-Aug-08 Missed 5 games (strained left quadriceps).
04-Aug-08 Missed 5 games (quadricep injury).
12-Jul-08 Missed 1 game (left knee injury).
24-Jun-08 Missed 1 game (strained left quadriceps).
20-Jun-08 Missed 2 games (quadricep injury).
31-May-08 Missed 1 game (dizziness).
16-May-08 Missed 2 games (right shoulder injury).
02-May-08 Missed 1 game (hamstring).
21-Sep-07 Missed 12 games (right oblique muscle strain).
08-Aug-07 Missed 4 games (hamstring).
07-Jul-07 Missed 8 games (oblique injury).
20-Jun-07 Missed 16 games (calf injury).
30-May-07 Missed 14 games (hamstring).
19-May-07 Missed 4 games (hamstring).
11-May-07 Missed 15 games (hamstring).
01-Sep-06 Missed 1 game (ankle injury).
14-Jul-06 Missed 20 games (shoulder injury).
06-Jun-06 Missed 36 games (right knee injury).
02-Oct-05 Missed 38 games (Torn left Patella Tendon).
23-Jul-05 Missed 47 games (finger injury).
13-Aug-04 Missed 1 game (hamstring).
01-Jun-04 Missed 2 games (ankle injury).
04-May-04 Missed 3 games (ankle injury).
29-Aug-03 Missed 46 games (back injury).
08-May-03 Missed 12 games (strained right hamstring).
30-Aug-02 Missed 16 games (appendicitis).
04-Jun-02 Missed 29 games (eye Contusion).
17-Apr-02 Missed 4 games (right quadricep).

That's only 348 games missed in 7 seasons. Soriano's on pace to shatter that record, so MOB should fit right in.

The Crazy:

MOB can come slightly unglued at times.

24-Sep-07 Torn ACL, sidelined through end of season.

Bradley tore his ACL when manager Bud Black tackled him to keep him killing an ump.

To be fair, he WAS safe.

29-Sep-04 Suspended by the Dodgers for the remainder of the season.

A fan threw a plastic bottle at Bradley. Bradley threw the bottle back.

MOB is not now or never will be a fan of littering.

30-Jun-04 Missed 4 games (suspension).

Bradley threw a bag of balls onto the field following an ejection.

Again, in the interest of full disclosure, the pitch WAS a ball.

I have always been a fan of adding a little crazy to the mix, so signing MOB seems like a no-brainer to me. I know it's been mentioned before, but ask yourself this simple question:

What happened when the Bulls signed Rodman?

Obviously, MOB is not even in the Worm's league when it comes nut-job behavior and Karl Malone (to my knowledge) doesn't play baseball, so it's not a perfect analogy, but you know what I mean. Adding a couple sprinkles of loony tunes to the mix can take a team from simply above average to championship-caliber.

If nothing else, MOB will make them fun to watch again.

Go Cubs.

Where Have I Heard This Before?

Good news for all you fans of the towel drill, Mark Prior is "healthy" again!

Buster Olney drops some knowledge (emphasis added by yours truly):

Mark Prior, who had a second, less-invasive surgery on his right shoulder earlier this year, is in the midst of a throwing program and should be ready for the start of the 2009 season, said his agent, John Boggs. Prior is expected to file for free agency. "He said he feels good, that his shoulder has never felt better," said Boggs.

Wow.

I love the fact that his agent has the balls to say Mark's shoulder has "never felt better." He better have been winking, rolling his eyes AND nudging Buster in the ribs with his elbow when he said that.

This news will definitely add some intrigue to this year's winter meetings. I mean, how can CC and Peavy know how the free agent market is shaping up until they see what kind of cash McPhail throws at a twice-surgered (trademark pending) pitcher who hasn't pitched since August of 2006?

My guess is the Orioles offer him something in the neighborhood of 12 million over 3 years, but I could be underestimating McPhail's stupidity.

Stay tuned.

PS. Don't even think about it Jim.

Go Rays.