Cubs Vendors Can't Even Be Original At Racism

Thanks to SportsByBrooks for the pic of this moronic shirt being sold at Wrigley today.

Kudos to the idiot who stole the idea from some idiotic Cards fan and made a sad knock-off version.

Well done, sir.

On a lighter, less racist note, there's this:



Awesome even without a translation.

Go Cubs.

A Two Game Series is Perfect

Sadly, the first game of the 2009 Cubs/Sox series was rained out last night. For 39,000+ soaked and (probably) hammered fans of both teams, it was a huge downer. But for me, it was perfect.

Why?

Because now they can tie.

I know, try to contain your excitement.

Over the past few months, one of the few things Cubs and Sox fans can agree on is that their team's 2009 campaigns have been...what's the best way to put this...hot-poker-in-the-eye awful. Both teams have struggled out of the gates. Both teams have managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory on multiple occasions. Both clubs have forgotten how to hit, field, catch, run and in Milton Bradley's case a little bit of all four with a side of poor math skills.

So when the skies opened up yesterday afternoon, I prayed for a rain out. With a makeup date not yet announced, a rain out meant a two game series. Which, if the season so far is any indication, made it a lot easier for the Cubs to not screw this up. One win gets the Cubs a tie. Heck, two wins...ah, nevermind, who am I kidding.

So thank you rain gods for giving fans on both ends of the Red Line something we haven't had in awhile...hope. Hope that after Thursday's game, we will both be no worse off.

What a season, eh?

Go Cubs.

PS. I am going to the game on Thursday, so pray the Cubs win today or me and my 13-game losing streak will make all this series split stuff a moot point.

"Live" Blogging: After the Missouri Game Edition

The Cubs and Sox are playing a split squad game in Vegas tonight. Sounds like live blog material, right? I agree...and I will, as soon as my Missouri Tigers are done crushing the Sooners.

10:17PM:
Things I thought before I started officially "live" blogging.

1) Lou needs to be introduced to this thing called sunscreen.
2) As reader Brent points out, the problem isn't Soriano hitting 1st...it's Lee hitting 3rd.
3) Len mentioned that "fans are already getting on Soriano" which brings up a great question. How much does your life need to suck for you to be the guy booing at a Cubs spring training game in Vegas?
4) Brent's second contribution: Smarja not impressing me. Agreed.
5) John Van Benshoten, I will draft you for that name alone.
6) Do we really need to interview a guy to find out why people should come to Vegas?
7) I heart spring training baseball Part 1: Micah hit one to the warning track and it bounced in FRONT of the outfielder.
8) I heart spring training baseball Part 2: So Taguchi drives in two runs. Last time I ever type that sentence.

10:19PM
We were wondering if Bob's kid was at spring training when we were down there. Turns out he is. Good to know now that we are 3.5 hours away.

10:22 PM
Wait, it's Rascal Flatts and Darius Rucker or Billy Joel and Elton John? Talk about too close too call.

10:24PM
Please insert your own snarky comments about Jermaine Dye while I walk my dog.

10:27PM
4-2 Sox in the 5th. The Riot gets a hit off Von Longest Name and is "ready for opening day right now."

10:29PM
Cubs are in business after ARam "doubles" down the line. I can't believe he isn't hustling in game 9 of spring training. Lou can't believe it either and pulls him for a pinch runner.

10:34PM
According to Len, Micah is the "2009 version of Daryl Ward." I wish he was the 2009 version of Derek Lee.

10:39PM
Non-roster invitee Jason Waddell, who has an "intriguing" arm according to Lou, gives up a bomb to Konerko. Lou has an eye for talent.

10:45PM
Len and Bob have spent the last 5 minutes defending Waddell to the handful of fans still paying attention to this meaningless game on a random late Wednesday evening. That's why I love them.

10:50PM
Fontenot takes advantage of the single A talent in the outfield and turns a double into a triple. HUGE at bat for Hill (little known fact: Lou is famous for making his backup catcher decisions based on ABs that take place in the 6th inning of the 9th spring training game). He flies out. Good news for Bako.

10:56PM
You know it's a split squad game when the guy we traded Wuertz for is playing.

10:58PM
Things I've Learned in 2009: Fake to third, throw to first works in three situations: 1) College baseball 2) Spring training 3) When Mark Grace is on 1st.

11:01PM
Theriot gets "funky with it" down the line and the game is tied.

11:06PM
Nothing says Cubs baseball is back like a cheesy Menard's commercial.

11:06PM
I agree when Len says Chad Fox has had a lot of arm issues. I disagree when Len says we are happy to see him back on the mound.

11:11PM
I heart spring training baseball Part 3: After the PA guy announces the new White Sox batter Cole Armstrong, there is a pause and then you hear some random fan yell, "Boo. Boo Armstrong." Kudos, sir. Kudos.

11:17PM
Josh Fields (aka the waste of space I refused to drop on my keeper team) chunks a grounder. So glad I held on to him.

11:20PM
Dave Van Dyck from the Trib is in the booth now which reminds me...Martin and I saw Paul Sullivan up close down in Mesa. He may have even appeared in a picture or two, I believe. He is my new favorite beat writer for the Cubs and it's not just because I could fit him in my pocket, I swear.

11:29PM
DVD and Len discuss Arod for nearly a second and half and I almost changed the channel. Let's move on, folks. Please.

11:31PM
Bob quotes Jon Kruk talking about day games after night games, "It was much easier to stay up than to get up." Bravo.

11:34PM
Since I'm too lazy to actually look up the name of the guy who just stole second, I will assume it's the name I heard Len say: Rob Nen. Yes, it's late.

11:40PM
Hey, it's everyone's favorite cock-tease...Angel Guzman! Unfortunately, the line was off in Vegas tonight on whether or not he actually explodes on the mound. He did give up a jack, though. 6-6.

11:46PM
Butter Burger may be the best name for a food product ever. I need to go to Culver's soon.

11:49PM
I'm pretty sure that my blackjack addiction would keep me from going to this game if I was in Vegas. Actually, I'm pretty sure my gambling addiction would keep me from going OUTSIDE if I was in Vegas.

11:54PM
Heading to the bottom of the 9th and much like the Cubs and Sox, I will not be going extras. My conditioning isn't quite where it needs to be to attempt that yet, sorry.
UPDATE: They will go extras, apparently. I still will not.

11:55PM
Sam Fuld flashes the leather and I am two outs from bedtime. Newish second baseman "Barney" almost makes it two outs even after a 5-foot throw towards first. Good times.

11:59PM
Rule 5er Patton gets the loss after giving up an RBI single. Damn. Only 30 games to go BEFORE Opening Day.

Go Cubs.

Sox End Search For Big Name Pitcher One Word Short

The Trib is reporting today that the White Sox are on the verge of bringing back the slightly svelte Bartolo Colon with a one-year incentive-laden deal. Unfortunately, they took the high-road with their assessment of his...abilities.

"No one is sure what Colon has left in his 5-foot-11-inch, 250-plus-pound body. He started only seven games for Boston last year but won four of them before straining his back while batting in an interleague game."

Boring.

Thankfully, the Sun-Times was more than ready to step in with a zinger about his weight.

"The White Sox were looking to add a veteran pitcher to compete in the starting rotation at some point this offseason, and all signs pointed toward it being the pitcher nicknamed "Big Game.''

Rather than take a chance on the ailing shoulder of Freddy Garcia, however, they are now poised to ink a certain right-hander known more for his "Big Waist.''"

Tee-hee!

Get it? He wrote 'waist' instead of 'waste' because Colon is fat. I can't believe anyone would stoop so low as to attack a person's "dietary issues."

Personally, I think this signing is a giant mistake for the White Sox, not that my opinion carries much weight. Colon will turn 36 this year, which isn't a huge deal unless you care about velocity or durability. I mean, you have to be pretty thick in the head to think that the "4 wins in 7 starts" he posted last year is ample enough evidence to give him a shot. I understand that the contract isn't large by any means, but I doubt White Sox fans are getting a chubby thinking about Colon on the mound.

At least they still have Buehrle.

Go Cubs.

Its Tallest Midget Weekend!

In a town near where I grew up, their yearly festival was called “Dick Tracy Days.” It started in 1990, seemingly to honor the guy who created the comic strip and who happened to die in that town in 1985. More importantly, it was an attempt to capitalize on the fact that the movie was coming out that summer. It was a bit forced, a bit cheesy, but you excused it because there was at least one or two necessary tie-ins that made it make sense and, well, people seemed to be having a good time.

This festival recurred each summer for the next seventeen years.

By my senior year of high school, I had no idea why the hell they felt the need to celebrate a movie that (a.) was pretty much a flop, and (b.) was, by that point, six years in the past. It seemed ridiculous. Yet they did it year after year. After year. After year. ELEVEN MORE TIMES. (Appropriately enough, this same town was the place they filmed “Groundhog Day.”) It became an outdated, boring, and truly pointless endeavor that no longer had any reason to exist. It was the vestigial festival.

So what does this have to do with the Cubs? Simple: the Cubs-White Sox series is the baseball equivalent of the Dick Tracy Days.
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It was fine the first year or two: at the very least, there were now at least three games a season in which people would go into the upper deck at U.S. Cellular Field. Eleven years later, the Cubs and White Sox have played 60 times, the series is tied 30-30, and this “tradition” gets dumber each year. Let me count the reasons why:

1.It ratchets up the stupid obsession some Sox fans have for all things Cub. By this point, everyone knows that a decent portion of the White Sox fanbase would prefer that the Cubs lose even over a White Sox win. This certainly isn't all Sox fans, but it describes a huge majority of the ones who feel the need to show up at Wrigley for the Cubs-Sox series (as well as the ones who would feel the need to angrily respond to this post). It is also clear that a large portion of the Cubs fan base couldn't pick Alexei Ramirez out of a lineup, and even more importantly, don't give a shit. This utter apathy the majority of Cubs fans have for the White Sox absolutely irritates the hell out of those same obsessed Sox fans, and the two series the teams play each year are the opportunity they have to “show them Cub queers what's what.” This, of course, brings out the only-slightly-beneath-the-surface asshat in the Cubs fans dumb enough to really want to go to these games. Yay.

2.There is no respite from the stupidity. For the most part, at any given Cubs game, if you avoid the bleachers you can probably watch the game without (a) the desire to castrate at least four shirtless buffoons who are still wondering why Sammy's not playing today, or (b) some kind of rain slicker to keep the spilled beer off you. Unfortunately, during the Cubs-Sox series, the bleacher fans spill into the rest of the ballpark. At the three or four Cubs/Sox games I've gone to over the last ten years, I've spent equal time loathing ridiculous “O ee O...Magglio” chants (Wizard of Oz references? Really?) and watching idiotic Cubs fans (who are probably the same douchebags who wear the “Horry Cow” shirts) try and match the level of imported south side stupidity in the ballpark. For six games, Wrigley Field and U.S. Cellular become the Mecca and Medina of stupid.

3. There is absolutely nothing fun about the games, win or lose. If the Cubs lose, you have to listen to the future William Ligues of the world spout off some utterly creative one-liner like “100 Years!” or the slightly more intellectual “Cubs still suck!” If they win, you get to hear the exact same one-liners. The wins and losses don't even matter—its like the game is secondary to the opportunity for the mouth breathers from both sides of town to hold off on calling into the Mike North show for a few hours and catch a game.


After 60 meetings between these two teams, the only thing I want to know after a Cubs win against the White Sox is what the Cardinals and Brewers did. There is no extra satisfaction, other than the joy of knowing that there is one less piece of ammo for the idiot in the next cubicle who needs White Sox victories to somehow offset the fact that he got passed over for the promotion (again!) by his asshole boss, who happens to be from Winnetka and has a picture of Ron Santo in his office.

So, in an act that symbolizes better than any other the relationship between Cubs and Sox fans, I sold my tickets (at about five times face value) to a White Sox fan. He gets to go to the Most Important Games of the Year, and I made enough cash to pay for tickets to just about every Cubs-Brewers game for the rest of the year.

Sure, I'd enjoy the hell out of a Cubs sweep, but not a whole lot more than a sweep of, say, the Mets. And I'll gladly trade getting swept by the White Sox in exchange for a 22-0 record against the Brewers and Cardinals for the rest of the year...you know, the games that actually make a significant difference in terms of which team from the NL Central will go to the playoffs. Instead, I get to enjoy ten days packed full of the only thing I truly despise about Chicago baseball. Somebody wake me when this is over.