Schadenfreude Sunday

The most common and overused argument stupid people make when attempting to creatively make fun of the Cubs or their fans usually involves the words "1908" or "Bartman." And while its true that the Cubs have pretty much blown for the last 100 years, the Cubs (at least in the last 30-40 years or so) have pretty regularly had at least one or two players per generation that provided really solid entertainment.

This is emphasized in the ESPN ratings grab known as "Baseball Tonight's All-Time Franchise Players." Its roughly the entertainment equivalent of "Who's Now" or "Titletown, U.S.A."; however, it provides an interesting comparison for those fans (especially Brewers fans) who want to stupidly criticize the Cubs for their 100 years of futility.

Let's take a look at the Cubs' list:

Cap Anson
Ernie Banks
Mordecai Brown
Mark Grace
Gabby Hartnett
Ferguson Jenkins
Ryne Sandberg
Ron Santo
Sammy Sosa
Billy Williams

Out of a list of 10 players, that's 7 Hall of Famers, 2 likely Hall of Famers (Santo and Sosa), and one guy in the Honorary Wrigleyville Ass-Getting Hall of Fame* (Grace). Not too bad...not to mention guys like Andre Dawson and Hack Wilson didn't even make the list.

NOW...

for fun...

let's compare that with the list of the team whose fans talked a whole lot of shit leading up to this week, the Milwaukee Brewers:

Mike Caldwell
Cecil Cooper
Jim Gantner
Teddy Higuera
Geoff Jenkins
Paul Molitor
Ben Ogilve
Dan Plesac
Gorman Thomas
Robin Yount

Okay, now that's one...two hall of famers, about six middle of the road offensive players, and Dan Plesac. Dan Mother F'n Plesac. A guy who, while he was a closer for a little over half his Brewers' career, was a middle reliever for the majority of his baseball career.

Let me write that again: In the entire Brewers' history, there weren't ten players better than a middle reliever.

Of the other players on the list, I don't think anything needs to be said about Teddy Higuera or Geoff Jenkins. My only question regarding these guys is how the hell did Jeromy Burnitz not make the list? And how sad is that last question?

So for all the crap Cubs fans have had to put up with over the last 100 years of bad teams, at least we can take a little solace in the number of truly great players that have come through town. And the team whose ass the Cubs kicked this week has Geoff Jenkins.

Ahh...screw that. We've sucked. For a long time. But other teams have sucked worse.

*Still Under Construction

It's racist as hell, but at least we made the front page.

Went to ESPN.com this morning and was greeted by this image.


Thanks ESPN for proving that the easiest way to turn us from "lovable losers" to "racist assholes" is one embarrassing picture. What's the matter, couldn't you find a picture of some douche wearing the Horry Cow t-shirt?

BTW, the rising sun background is a nice touch too. Apparently subtlety isn't a job requirement for ESPN web designers. Asshats.

On a happier note, ESPN's own Gene Wojciechowski put together a nice piece about the Cubs that should help you put off hanging yourself for at least a few hours. My favorite part:

Chicago Cubs reliever Carlos Marmol plopped down on the billowy leather recliner in the visitors' clubhouse, leaned back in one of those "ahhhhh" moments … and then fell head over heels backward.

Reliever Scott Eyre, talking on his cell, let Marmol struggle for a few seconds, leaned the phone to the side and said, "Hold on a second. Marmol just fell over." And then he helped drag Marmol from the recliner.

Quality.

UPDATE: Good news. Check out that same pic on ESPN's PAGE 2. Now featuring double the pixels of intolerance! Hooray!


Go Cubs.

Ramdom Rant: The NBA Isn't THAT Fantastic

Dear ESPN,

I came home from the bar last night and watched the end of your sister station's (ABC) coverage of the Lakers-Celtics game. Not bad. I'm a casual fan of the NBA, but this series with all it's "history" has kept me interested so far. Kudos. Anyways, the game ended and I flip over to your bread and butter program...Sportscenter to catch some highlights of...you know...sports. Well, that was a mistake. Of course you led off the coverage with the NBA game. It's the most important sporting event of the night. No arguments here. After the highlights, you started the analysis with whatever crew gets their own desk at game (Mark Jackson? Really?). I got bored and start flipping around. Sorry.

20 MINUTES later, I flip back expecting you to have moved on. Nope. More analysis and then THE most exciting thing in sports...the post game press conference! First Doc, then Phil! I could barely sit down I was so enthralled!

At this point, I'm getting a tad frustrated, so I say "F#$k it, I'll just go to ESPN News in HD!" (Yes, I talk that way to myself, sue me.) I flip to it expecting to see some stats and a loop of about 5 highlights from around sports repeated every 15 minutes and instead I get...Phil Jackson again. That's right. In your infinite wisdom, you decided to devote TWO channels to coaches answering boring questions about game 3 of the NBA finals. Not game 7. Not a classic overtime battle. Game 3.

I understand that you own the rights to the NBA Finals, so you want to give as much coverage to this series as possible, but come on. Show a baseball highlight for god sakes. Hell, I'll take Euro2008 (whatever the hell that is) over 40 minutes of guys blathering on and on about an NBA game. You don't do this for any other sport excluding the Super Bowl. And when you're coverage of the NBA Finals starts rivaling THAT coverage, you have a problem. Do you think casual sports fans give a shit what Stu Scott thought of Paul Gasol's play in the second half? Do you think we need every sequence broken down with slow motion replays so we can see every damn pick?

Maybe I'm in the minority, but with a full slate of MLB games either going on or just finishing around the time Sportscenter aired, wouldn't it be a good idea to maybe show a highlight or two of those games? I had to turn on the Best Damn Sports Show Period to get my sports fix. Seriously. I turned on a show where John Salley was involved...on purpose. Shame on you ESPN. You did this to me.

Sincerely,

J Dot

Moises Answers Question No One is Asking

Apparently it's a slow news day over at the Worldwide Leader, because I came across this little gem of a link this afternoon.

Alou says he wouldn't have caught Bartman ball in 2003 NLCS

He's quoted as saying:

"Everywhere I play, even now, people still yell, 'Bartman! Bartman!' I feel really bad for the kid," Alou told Associated Press columnist Jim Litke.

"You know what the funny thing is?" he added a moment later. "I wouldn't have caught it, anyway."

Why would anyone give a flying f#%k about this anymore, Moises? Go pee on your hands or something. Toolbox.

On a somehow related note, this is the perfect segue into explaining how we came up with the name of our humble little blog. Details to follow soon.

How's that for a teaser?

Go Cubs.

Rock the Vote?

Seen on ESPN's Page 2...


Awesome.

Go Cubs.