The Curse of the Z No-No

The goat has absolved me of my sin.

Ok, so I have good news and bad news.

The good news is that after months of racking my brain, trying to figure out what has turned the Cubs from favorites to frustrating-as-f#&k...I finally figured it out. As it turns out, it isn't the DeRo trade. Nor the bullpen. It's not the poor play of Soto and Bradley. It isn't even the injury to Aramis. No, sadly the lackluster play of the Cubs since the end of the 2008 regular season is the result of something...else.

Which brings me to the bad news.

This is all my fault.

As I mentioned in my 90210 Playoff Preview last September, there was a certain game last year in Milwaukee that I kinda, sorta missed.

Let's let 2008 J Dot explain:

In interest of full disclosure, I missed the no-hitter on Sunday thanks to a combination of my stupidity and my strict adherence to arbitrary jinxing rules. That's why I neglected to post about it. I felt like a turd for missing one of the greatest Cubs games in my lifetime and couldn't bring myself to try to fake like I had been watching it. To my three avid readers, I apologize.

Yeah, I know. I am not the brightest knife in the chandelier. But don't worry it gets much, much worse.

After the regular season ended, WGN decided to re-air the Zambrano no-hitter for those of us dumb enough to have missed it the first time. So, I recorded it. But with the playoffs just around the corner, I never got around to watching it.

So...

When the Cubs crapped the bed and made a quick exit in the playoffs, down at the bottom of my DVR was a program titled "MLB Baseball: Chicago Cubs at Milwaukee Brewers."

When the Jim Hendry went bat-shit crazy on us and traded away not one, but TWO clubhouse leaders and replaced them with "players" like Kevin Gregg and Aaron Miles, down at the bottom of my DVR was a program titled "MLB Baseball: Chicago Cubs at Milwaukee Brewers."

When the bullpen forgot how to make the round white thing go over the pentagon-shaped white thing, down at the bottom of my DVR was a program titled "MLB Baseball: Chicago Cubs at Milwaukee Brewers."

When players started dropping like flies and the bats took a sabbatical, down at the bottom of my DVR was a program titled "MLB Baseball: Chicago Cubs at Milwaukee Brewers."

Now, I wonder what the common denominator was during this fun little eight-month tailspin?

Oh. Right. My bad.

But have no fear, my four readers, there is a silver lining. I deleted the game (without watching it of course, I'm not a complete idiot) on Friday morning. Since then, the Cubs are 2-1.

Curse lifted.

You're welcome.

Go Cubs.

All Aboard the Crazy Train.

After the late inning loss to the Astros a couple of nights ago, like most Cubs fans, I was less than happy. Actually, to be more accurate, I was furious. Seething mad. Insanely pessimistic. In short, I was a nutjob.

For the next 24 hours, I stewed about bad this team was and how they had broken my heart once again. This was after TWO games. It got to the point where I had planned on writing a rant about the team detailing their faults and highlighting their failures. Again, after game TWO.

Then, thanks to my chronic laziness, the day slipped on by and I found myself listening to last night's game and enjoying myself once again (early 8-0 leads can do that). Gone was the anger that had me preparing 1000 scathing words on why Fuku should NEVER play (oops), Fontenot was never gonna be as good as DeRo (double oops) and that the bullpen was going to our downfall (triple oops).

It was strange how fast my mood had changed. I no longer wanted to point out how much D-Lee sucks and that everyone outside of Soriano was tanking. I no longer had the desire to go on and on about how dumb the Miles signing (still dumb) had been. I had no desire to rail on Cotts or Gregg or anyone else for that matter. So what had changed? Well, for one...the Cubs were winning again. For two, I realized that I had not prepared myself emotionally ir mentally for another baseball season. I had forgotten that losses aren't nearly as catastrophic in baseball as they are in the NFL or college hoops. My brain hadn't made the switch to baseball thinking yet and a 1-1 start to the season seemed like a disaster.

The good news is that I think I have made the transition now or at least I hope I have. I am going to try my best to not let the next loss send me over the edge like an insane person (or a Yankees fan).

If they lose this weekend, I WILL take it in stri...ah, who am I kidding. I will be in the corner, quietly weeping in my beer.

Go Cubs.

Abandoned? Never. Lazy? Probably.

When I stopped by the blog the other day and realized it had been nearly two weeks since there had been a new post, I nearly fell out of my chair. A thousand humble apologies, four readers. I have been neglecting you.

It's not that I forgot about the blog or about our Chicago Cubs, it's just there hasn't been a whole lot to talk about. In addition to the slow trickle of news out of Mesa, my Missouri Tigers have made a "historic" run to the Sweet 16 and have kind of taken up all my free time over the last few weeks (Memphis should take care of this problem on Thursday).

That being said, I thought I would make it up to you with a quick post, filled with even quicker thoughts about the 2009 Cubs and a variety of other topics. Think twitter, but more interesting (maybe).

Zambrano Named Opening Day Starter:
Well, we weren't going to go 162-0 anyway, might as well get it out of the way as soon as possible. The collective amnesia surrounding Z and his opening day performances is getting a little re-dunk-ulous at this point.

Bradley Nursing Injuries and/or the Flu:
How many times you think Milton is gonna get the "flu " this year? 20? 40? I have him penciled in for 75 games at this point which is saying something since I am one of the idiots who wanted him here.

Sam Fuld Demoted, Might Not Be That Good:
Experts: Inconceivable!
Me: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Japan Wins WBC:
I watched four innings last night. Seeing how pumped the fans were was pretty entertaining. Listening to Joe Morgan was not.

Marshall Named #5 Starter:
Want an example of how little I've been paying attention? COI broke this story for me. Zing!

Soriano Is Not Hitting Lead-off/Soriano Is Hitting Lead-off:
I don't think there is a storyline I care less about. As long as he hits the ball, he can bat wherever he wants. D-Lee on the other hand...

Fuku's Struggles Where About Making "Cultural Adjustment" to US:
Here I thought it was because he had adopted a "Close Eyes, Spin Like Top" batting style. Shows what I know.

DeRo Still With Indians, Wife Still Sad:
She saw a highlight of him at the WBC and nearly broke into tears. Thankfully, I beat her to it and ran out of the room sobbing.

Fast and Furious Hits Theatres April 3rd:
Let me be the first to say: Best. Movie. Ever.

Go Cubs.

My Wife is Pissed

In not-really-that-shocking news, your Chicago Cubs have traded dreamboat Mark DeRosa to the Cleveland Indians for three minor leaguers. Talking with Martin earlier, we came to the conclusion that this is probably the precursor to a Peavy dead (or at least that's what we are hoping). If that is the case, I can live with this trade as long as the Bradley deal is as done as they are saying. Otherwise, it seems downright idiotic to get rid of a guy who can play at least 4 positions and is one of the club's most consistent hitters. Let's hope Hendry knows what he is doing.

Personally, I am gonna miss DeRo. He was, as the hacks at the Trib would say, "old school." He did the little things, played hard and never bitched (even when he was all but gone last year in the Roberts trade). And by God was he gorgeous. Er...I mean his swing, his swing was gorgeous. I wish him well in Cleveland.

Now excuse me while I try to coax Ms. J Dot off the ledge.

Go Cubs.

Lou Gave Me the Green Light.

When we started this little blog way back in April, we thought we would have all kinds of material for the season because, well, the Cubs usually end up screwing the pooch at some point. Fortunately for the team and unfortunately for the FOTG team, they have yet to even get to first base with the pooch, let alone screw it. As a fan, I am glad. As a blogger, that leaves up poop creek lacking any sort of device used to propel a boat through the water. So, I am forced to do what so many bloggers before me have done...steal a premise for a post. So with apologies to Martin, who stole this idea for HJE, who probably stole it from Len and Bob (I kid), here goes...

Mark DeRosa: Blogger, ND Groupie

I recently came across DeRo's blog for MLB "The Pulse." and in it he interviews my "moral dilemma*" Jeff Samardzija. I found the whole thing odd and a tad alarming, so I thought I'd add my own two cents to this piece of blogging history in the making.

MARK DEROSA: I'm going to interview Jeff Samardzija, who to me is by far the coolest guy on this team. What he's been able to accomplish in his career, none of these guys can hold a candle to it. To play in front of 110,000 in Ann Arbor, to play a game against USC -- I don't think Ted Lilly has ever done that.

OK. Coolest guy? Try again. He's went to Notre Dame, so that immediately negates any "coolness" factor. In my mind, coolness is Blanco's tats or Woody's secret miracle blister cure or your rugged good...un, never mind. Also, nice work throwing Ted Lilly under the bus for no reason. That's just mean-spirited.

JEFF SAMARDZIJA: He only likes me because my bobble head has given him a couple bombs, including a grand slam.

Wait, hold the phone. Samardzija has a bobble head doll already and my buddy Puma hasn't mentioned it yet? Seems unlikely. This is the same guy who carried on a two day conversation with me about how fast Samardzija throws, during which I never uttered a single word. I think he would have brought up the Samardzija bobble head doll at some point.

DEROSA: I'm going to say there's not a quarterback-wide receiver connection who can come close to what we're throwing out there.

Fine, I'm gonna say I agree because I don't feel like doing any research today.

OK, was it an easy decision to sign with baseball or did you lose some sleep over it?

Let's see...I could either choose the NFL and spend then next ten years trying to prevent 280-pound free safeties from removing my head from my torso...all without a guaranteed contract or I could sign with the Cubs for 10 million and throw a baseball every few days for the next 20 years. Yeah, that was a real brain teaser.

SAMARDZIJA: I don't lose any sleep over anything, but it was a hard decision. I had a premonition that my locker would be smashed in between Mark DeRosa, the good, and then the evil of Jason Marquis. It's a constant battle for me, but I knew that's where I wanted to be, so it wasn't too bad of a decision.

Jason Marquis is evil. That's a news flash.

DEROSA: Did you know I played quarterback [at Penn] when we first met?

Let it go, Mark. Just let it go.

SAMARDZIJA: I did find out the first Spring Training, someone told me about it, and said you had some skills. I'm guessing it was probably George [Castle]. I'm sure if anybody told me, it was George.

Who in the hell is George Castle? Now I have to use Google to follow this interview? Thanks a pant load.

DEROSA: Do you feel like in the Minor Leagues, you could've performed better if you were on a bigger stage? Were you bored with the Minor Leagues? And, I'm not disrespecting the Minor Leagues.

Hear that all you Minor Leaguers? DeRosa thinks you're boring. Sounds like someone needs a visit from Julio Castillo and his signature "pitch."

SAMARDZIJA: It wasn't the same, let's just say that, as playing in front of a lot of people and playing against better competition. I felt I was there for a reason to work on stuff, but I knew where I wanted to be.

DEROSA: So, not so much result.

Is that sarcasm?

SAMARDZIJA: Not so much result, as you can tell.

Yes. Yes it was. Two points for DeRo.

DEROSA: Are you able to go to dinner in the city of Chicago and lead a pretty normal life?

Is the "in the city of" really necessary here? Who is reading this that needs that clarification? "Oh, he means Chicago as in the city. Now I get it."

SAMARDZIJA: Are you able to go to dinner in Chicago and live a pretty normal life?

Who's asking the questions here, Jeff? Get your own blog and you can ask all the damn questions you want.

DEROSA: Yes, very much so. I'm a happily married man with a wife and child. I'm not single with long, flowing locks, who was an All-America at Notre Dame.

I'm getting a little uncomfortable with this line of questioning. Long, flowing locks? Really?

SAMARDZIJA: I think you're answering the question for me.

He is? What was the question again?

DEROSA: We've talked about throwing passes many times.

Apparently, we're moving on. Heaven forbid we get a straight answer from 'The Pulse' today.

SAMARDZIJA: We feel we're under a pretty tough radar here, throwing passes.

Ok, I'll be honest. I have no idea what you two are talking about at this point. I feel like the dorky kid in the hallway who is clueless to the fact that the jocks are making fun of him. I think I'm are one step away from one of them stuffing me in a locker.

DEROSA: I'm very impressed with how this guy has come up and been able to fit right in. The guy's got ice water in his veins and that's a direct reflection of playing football. It's something that shapes your life. People who've never played football don't understand the bond. You could tell by the play [Friday against St. Louis] in the ninth -- he gave me a huge chest bump when I made the barehanded bunt play. It was right out of catching a touchdown pass, but I was playing against Cornell and he was playing against USC.

OK, this "interview" is over! Come on! Where is your journalistic integrity for God's sake? I am pretty sure that at this point, DeRo is sitting on JS's lap running his fingers through his "long, flowing locks."

Go Cubs.

Milk Was A Bad Choice (a.k.a. Week In Review)

Well, Week 3 is in the books. Let's take a stroll down memory lane and see what we have learned from the week that was...

1) Marisa Miller is smoking hot.





I mean, wow. Just...wow.

2. D-Lee is NOT in fact DOA.

Coming off a "down" season last year and a shaky spring, there were some rumblings that maybe Lee had lost a step or two. The wrist injury had seemed to sap some of the power he displayed when he first joined the Cubs. Three weeks into this young season, let's take a look at how his numbers stack up so far.

I believe that could be qualified as a HUGE middle finger to his doubters.

Overall, he's 2nd in HR (only after Utley cranked out 2 on Sunday), 5th in Runs, 7th in RBI and 8th in BA. Not in the National League, mind you, in all of baseball. Yes, I am aware it's early, but its good to have D-Lee back.

3. Marty Brennaman IS in fact bat-shit crazy.


Busy week for Marty B. First, he called out Cubs fans for being obnoxious. Then he refused to back off of those statements by talking more shit about the Cubs.

"I said how tough it is to root for the Cubs. I think a lot of people feel the same way I do, but they won't articulate it. I'm not afraid to say what I think. [Compared to Cubs fans] Cardinals fans are hands down the best in baseball. They respect the game. They don't go to the game to do stupid stuff. The Cubs have some great baseball fans. But the ones who act like idiots (ruin) it for people like me."

And I'm sure all of you agree, I hate it when we ruin it for self-righteous windbags.

THEN, M to the B decided to take it up a notch. Tired of bashing a whole organization for the acts of a few drunken morons, he took out his "crazy old man" frustrations on his own broadcast partner.

Yep, I can totally see why he received the Ford Frick Award for “for major contributions to the game of baseball.”

I truly wish I was making that up.

4. Reed Johnson is the second coming of...Kenny Lofton? Craig Biggio?

Talk all you want about the "Pie Situation," but all this guy has done is rake since he was given the starting job.

BA: .354
SLG: .417
Runs: 8
RBI: 7

Ok, so those aren't All-Star numbers, but add to that the fact that he apparently doesn't EVER get out of the way of inside pitches (3 HBP in the last 3 days) and you have at least a serviceable player in center instead of say...a corpse.


5. Aramis is heating up with the weather (again)
(yes, I wrote this AFTER he just homered against the Mets, whatever)

He's gonna have another great year. So, for the love of God, stop talking about his lack of "hustle" or his occasional lapses in the field. He's a lock for 30-100 EVERY year. Enjoy it.

5a. Mark DeRosa is Mui Caliente!

Sorry.

My wife called me from home when DeRo took that header over the bullpen on Sunday and said:

"Is my boyfriend OK?"

Yep. I guess I should be happy she was at least watching the game. Right?

Go Cubs.

What I've Learned, Overraction Edition

The Cubs managed to blow a seven run lead for the first time in only 6 years, which is actually sadder than the whole “hundred years” thing. Good to see that blowing a seven run lead is actually not all that uncommon for the Cubs.

As usual, many have taken the opportunity to bring out their “jump to conclusions” mat one week into the season. Among the wonderful truths we’ve learned from the experts:

Read More...

1. Mark DeRosa is a complete bust and Brian Roberts could cure AIDS if he were playing 2B for the Cubs right now. Nevermind the fact that, up until yesterday, DeRosa was outhitting Roberts. Sure, he’s made some stupid errors. They even out over the course of a year. Now, if the team wanted to trade for Roberts and move DeRosa to shortstop, color me satisfied.

2. Alfonso Soriano is a bum. Hasn’t one year of this guy shown enough people that he will maybe hit .025 for 30 ABs or so, then hit 14 home runs in a month (like he did in, say, LAST SEPTEMBER)? Sure, all Cubs fans will want him dead by about year five of his contract, but for now, why not just be myopic for awhile?

3. Kerry Wood will be a bust as a closer…no wait, he’ll be good…no wait, he won’t be durable enough…no wait, he’ll be fine.

4. Aramis Ramirez is lazy and the Cubs need to trade him. Good God, this might be the most annoying habit of anyone and everyone associated with following the Cubs-they’d rather have Ryan Theriot hit .200 with a .225 OBP as long as he runs hard to first base and gets his uniform dirty, while Ramirez consistently hits 30-35 home runs, drives in over 100 runners, and “isn’t a winner.” Let’s say it together: This is not Little League. Trying hard does not make someone good. And not always trying hard does not make someone bad. Production matters. Deal with it.

5. Ryan Theriot would be better off as a bench player and really has no business batting at the top of the lineup. Okay, they got that one right.

Here's a thought-let's wait until game 15 before we write off the 2008 season.