Lou Gave Me the Green Light.

When we started this little blog way back in April, we thought we would have all kinds of material for the season because, well, the Cubs usually end up screwing the pooch at some point. Fortunately for the team and unfortunately for the FOTG team, they have yet to even get to first base with the pooch, let alone screw it. As a fan, I am glad. As a blogger, that leaves up poop creek lacking any sort of device used to propel a boat through the water. So, I am forced to do what so many bloggers before me have done...steal a premise for a post. So with apologies to Martin, who stole this idea for HJE, who probably stole it from Len and Bob (I kid), here goes...

Mark DeRosa: Blogger, ND Groupie

I recently came across DeRo's blog for MLB "The Pulse." and in it he interviews my "moral dilemma*" Jeff Samardzija. I found the whole thing odd and a tad alarming, so I thought I'd add my own two cents to this piece of blogging history in the making.

MARK DEROSA: I'm going to interview Jeff Samardzija, who to me is by far the coolest guy on this team. What he's been able to accomplish in his career, none of these guys can hold a candle to it. To play in front of 110,000 in Ann Arbor, to play a game against USC -- I don't think Ted Lilly has ever done that.

OK. Coolest guy? Try again. He's went to Notre Dame, so that immediately negates any "coolness" factor. In my mind, coolness is Blanco's tats or Woody's secret miracle blister cure or your rugged good...un, never mind. Also, nice work throwing Ted Lilly under the bus for no reason. That's just mean-spirited.

JEFF SAMARDZIJA: He only likes me because my bobble head has given him a couple bombs, including a grand slam.

Wait, hold the phone. Samardzija has a bobble head doll already and my buddy Puma hasn't mentioned it yet? Seems unlikely. This is the same guy who carried on a two day conversation with me about how fast Samardzija throws, during which I never uttered a single word. I think he would have brought up the Samardzija bobble head doll at some point.

DEROSA: I'm going to say there's not a quarterback-wide receiver connection who can come close to what we're throwing out there.

Fine, I'm gonna say I agree because I don't feel like doing any research today.

OK, was it an easy decision to sign with baseball or did you lose some sleep over it?

Let's see...I could either choose the NFL and spend then next ten years trying to prevent 280-pound free safeties from removing my head from my torso...all without a guaranteed contract or I could sign with the Cubs for 10 million and throw a baseball every few days for the next 20 years. Yeah, that was a real brain teaser.

SAMARDZIJA: I don't lose any sleep over anything, but it was a hard decision. I had a premonition that my locker would be smashed in between Mark DeRosa, the good, and then the evil of Jason Marquis. It's a constant battle for me, but I knew that's where I wanted to be, so it wasn't too bad of a decision.

Jason Marquis is evil. That's a news flash.

DEROSA: Did you know I played quarterback [at Penn] when we first met?

Let it go, Mark. Just let it go.

SAMARDZIJA: I did find out the first Spring Training, someone told me about it, and said you had some skills. I'm guessing it was probably George [Castle]. I'm sure if anybody told me, it was George.

Who in the hell is George Castle? Now I have to use Google to follow this interview? Thanks a pant load.

DEROSA: Do you feel like in the Minor Leagues, you could've performed better if you were on a bigger stage? Were you bored with the Minor Leagues? And, I'm not disrespecting the Minor Leagues.

Hear that all you Minor Leaguers? DeRosa thinks you're boring. Sounds like someone needs a visit from Julio Castillo and his signature "pitch."

SAMARDZIJA: It wasn't the same, let's just say that, as playing in front of a lot of people and playing against better competition. I felt I was there for a reason to work on stuff, but I knew where I wanted to be.

DEROSA: So, not so much result.

Is that sarcasm?

SAMARDZIJA: Not so much result, as you can tell.

Yes. Yes it was. Two points for DeRo.

DEROSA: Are you able to go to dinner in the city of Chicago and lead a pretty normal life?

Is the "in the city of" really necessary here? Who is reading this that needs that clarification? "Oh, he means Chicago as in the city. Now I get it."

SAMARDZIJA: Are you able to go to dinner in Chicago and live a pretty normal life?

Who's asking the questions here, Jeff? Get your own blog and you can ask all the damn questions you want.

DEROSA: Yes, very much so. I'm a happily married man with a wife and child. I'm not single with long, flowing locks, who was an All-America at Notre Dame.

I'm getting a little uncomfortable with this line of questioning. Long, flowing locks? Really?

SAMARDZIJA: I think you're answering the question for me.

He is? What was the question again?

DEROSA: We've talked about throwing passes many times.

Apparently, we're moving on. Heaven forbid we get a straight answer from 'The Pulse' today.

SAMARDZIJA: We feel we're under a pretty tough radar here, throwing passes.

Ok, I'll be honest. I have no idea what you two are talking about at this point. I feel like the dorky kid in the hallway who is clueless to the fact that the jocks are making fun of him. I think I'm are one step away from one of them stuffing me in a locker.

DEROSA: I'm very impressed with how this guy has come up and been able to fit right in. The guy's got ice water in his veins and that's a direct reflection of playing football. It's something that shapes your life. People who've never played football don't understand the bond. You could tell by the play [Friday against St. Louis] in the ninth -- he gave me a huge chest bump when I made the barehanded bunt play. It was right out of catching a touchdown pass, but I was playing against Cornell and he was playing against USC.

OK, this "interview" is over! Come on! Where is your journalistic integrity for God's sake? I am pretty sure that at this point, DeRo is sitting on JS's lap running his fingers through his "long, flowing locks."

Go Cubs.