Time to Dust(y) Off the Live Blog

What better way to celebrate Dusty Baker's first visit to Wrigley in 2009 than with a live blog! Why a live blog you ask? Two reasons.

1) It's what we do here at FOTG when we are all out of original ideas.
2) It means I am not at the game tonight, which is better for everyone.

Stay tuned!

Go Cubs.

7:00PM:
If there is a better highlight than walk-off HR against the Cards, I have never seen it. Starting a bit late today, which gives us a few extra minutes with Len and Bob. Life is good.

7:02PM:
Fans of the new 90120 must hate the Cubs. They keep having their show bumped to midnight by these 7PM starts. Speaking of the new 90210, who the hell is still watching that pile of trash?

7:06PM:
I always feel bad for the Cubs Care guy. The only time he gets to be interviewed on air is during a rain delay...when no one is watching.

7:10PM:
Lou's dynamite analysis of Harden. 1) He needs to get his pitch count down. 2) Rich should be able to handle tonight's weather because he's from Canada. Wow.

7:12PM:
Lou's dynamite analysis of the weather. "If it's nice out you play, if it's not you don't." Thanks again, Lou.

7:15PM:
Game time. Micah still playing right. Let's do this.

7:18PM:
Dusty is still a douche. Just wanted to get that out of the way.

7:20PM:
Rich has the nasty stuff working tonight in the 1st. Will he have it in the 3rd is the question of the night.

7:21PM:
If I was betting on the commercial we see the most tonight, I'd say it's the Will.I.AM-Bob Dylan Pepsi ad. I've already seen it 4 times in the last 15 minutes.

7:24PM:
Wow. Jay Bruce nearly ran over Taveras. Would have been great for the Cubs and disastrous for my fantasy team.

7:26PM:
Gotta love a long stretch of games in a row. Gives me an excuse to drink each day.

7:27PM:
D-Lee flies out, again. I know it's still early, but I am starting to believe that 2005 was a fluke.

7:29PM:
Damn, I forgot about the Comcast triple play ad. It's gonna be a tight race between that and the Pepsi ad. Am I the only one who notices these things.

7:30PM:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. There was just a teaser for the WGN news tonight that mentioned the Midwest's largest strip club is opening soon. Why am I just hearing about this now?

7:32PM:
Fontenot makes a bid for a web gem with his "leap" and grab of a looping liner. Great play. Jay Bruce follows with a HR. Bad play (unless, hypothetically, you have him on your fantasy team).
1-0 Reds.

7:35PM:
I have no stats to back this up, but I think Harden does better when he doesn't have a ton of strikeouts. I'd check Cubs.com to verify this theory, but I'd rather surf for porn.

7:37PM:
Our first Micah v. Micah match-up is won by Hoffpauir. Suck on that, Owings. (I have no idea if I spelled either of those names correctly.)

7:42PM:
Anytime Aramis plays in weather like this, I pray for homers and singles. The last thing we need is for him to pull his groin trying to leg out a double. Actually, that may apply to all weather conditions now that I think about it.

7:44PM:
First Micah HR of a Micah. That's a stat we all needed. Thanks WGN!

7:45PM:
Geo still struggling, although he did move the always-grimacing-when-he-runs-just-to-scare-the-shit-out-of-me Aramis to third with a fly ball.

7:48PM:
Anyone who still boos when the pitcher throws to first should be kicked in the junk. Repeatedly. Why are you booing? Are you in a hurry?

7:49PM:
Theriot stays surface-of-the-sun hot and smokes a single to left. 2-1 good guys. Harden follows with a beautiful bunt that results in a hit. Bases drunk for you know who.

7:51PM:
Even with the bases loaded and the wind blowing in from left, I'd walk him. That's why my phone never rings when there is a managing vacancy.

7:55PM:
Fuku is first pitch swinging (because that makes sense when the pitcher is wild) and flies out to center. Cubs leave them loaded, but score two in the inning. That's so Cubs.

7:57PM:
Unrelated: My wife is getting her hair cut tonight and when I asked her how long it would take, she said "two hours." She wasn't joking. Reason #4,567 I'm glad I'm a dude.

7:59PM:
Two straight Ks for Harden. He apparently didn't read my scouting report. Jerk.

8:01PM:
Willy T. pops out to Lee at the exact same moment that I realize I didn't start Bruce this week. Coincidence? I doubt it.

8:03PM:
Two things. 1) Why does Brenly have to scream the promotions he reads? 2) What does D-Lee have against taking a pitch?

8:04PM:
Micah v. Micah Round 2 goes to Hoff with a base on balls. All is for not as Aramis grounds into a DP. Hooray.

8:10PM:
A stray cat wandered onto the field and a security guy decided to pick it up by its tail...which got him booed by those in attendance. That might be the first legit boo by Cubs fans in years. That guy better watch out for the PETA mafia on his way home tonight. Just saying.

8:17PM:
And...then the fans ruin their one-straight good boo streak by booing a fan for catching a not-at-all-in-play foul ball near the "Bartman area" in left. Good times. 2-2 after three and a half.

8:25PM:
Theriot's .415 BA is making it harder and harder for me to hate him for no particular reason. Striking out, though, keeps the hatred alive. Cubs go quietly in the 4th.

8:29PM:
Unrelated #2: An anonymous tipster sent the Consumerist a picture of a new Burger King sandwich that is in the works that is a "sloppy joe inside a fried shell."

It may be because I am starving, but that sounds delicious.

8:35PM:
Willy Taveras uses his speed to reach with an infield single, followed by Brenly using "ironically" wrong. Not sure which one makes me more mad. D-Lee digs out a throw from Theriot to end the inning. Still dueces up (2-2).

8:41PM:
How long does Fuku have to play well this year to be considered a non-bust? 150 games? 130? Seems like everyone I talk to is just waiting for his collapse to begin. In interest of full disclosure, I am one of those people.

8:45PM:
D-Lee CRUSHES it to left, but the wind holds it in. Fortunately for the Cubs, the OF somehow muffs it and the bases are again intoxicated. I know there is no way to measure this, but that may be the hardest hit single of all time.

8:48PM:
Micah v. Micah round 3 again goes to Micah H. as he hits a sac fly to deep center. 3-2 Cubs. (YELLING) Larry, I have the rounds at 10-7 (knockdown), 10-9, 10-8! Micah Owings needs a big round here or he's got not chance!

8:54PM:
Speaking of boxing (see what I did there?), Aramis lands the knockout blow with a RBI single to right and Micah is down for the count. 4-2 Cubs.

8:56PM:
Bad omen? Bud Light Fan Cam, featuring the musical styling of Wang Chung tonight, experiences some technical difficulties. Not good. Not good at all.

8:58PM:
Reds reliever Lincoln plunks Fontenot and walks Soto which plates a run and brings...wait for it...brings Dick Pole to the Mound. I think I have that DVD somewhere. 5-2 Cubs as we head to the 6th.

9:07PM:
I am pretty sure that the Reds didn't score in the 6th, but I helping the wife pack for Baltimore. Unrelated #3: While I have never been to Baltimore, I am nearly certain that the question "Do you wanna go to Baltimore?" is always answered with "Not even on a dare."

9:12PM:
Soriano smokes the bag with a ball and somehow ends up with a double. During the play, Votto takes out the legs of Bruce and nearly ends the season of both my fantasy teams simultaneous. I may have pooped myself a little bit.

9:18PM
Lincoln apparently is attempting to throw pitches with his eye closed again. He hits Fuku and then walks D-Lee. Dusty FINALLY gives him the hook. I know I speak for everyone when I say that if nothing else, Dusty is a god when it comes to managing his pitchers.

9:21PM
Bob Brenly just describes the motion needed to throw a screw ball as "turning a door knob counter-clockwise if you are a righty and clockwise if you are a lefty." I hurt my forearm just thinking about that. I'm day to day with an arm.

9:23PM
After Reed strikes out, Aramis says "I FEAR NOT YOUR SILLY PITCH!" with a two-run scoring single to right. 7-2 Tiny Bears.

9:29PM
Even with a 7-2 lead, this bullpen's not-being-able-to-get-outs-ness worries me.

9:36PM
The Class 4A basketball champs are gonna sing? THE CLASS 4A BASKETBALL CHAMPS ARE GONNA SING!

9:38PM
As the fans begin their on-going debate over which field "sucks," The Riot keeps on keeping on with another single. Two on, two out as Aaron Miles (Sucks) comes in to pinch "hit." Color me excited.

9:43PM
A full five minutes later, Aaron Miles (Sucks) is still at the dish. Will wonders never cease?

9:44PM
Aaron Miles (Sucks) strikes out, proving my question to be rhetorical.

9:48PM
Neal Cotts is warming up which means somewhere in Chicago a Cubs fan is crying.

9:49PM
The bases continue to be unable to hold their liquor as they are now loaded for D-Lee. With two outs making it impossible for him to hit into a DP, I am guessing walk.

9:53PM
Lee proves me wrong and flies out to shortest left. Sigh.

9:59PM
Cotts follows a full-count K with a first pitch single and a walk. Somewhere in Chicago a Cubs fan has thrown something breakable at something hard.

10:04PM
Cotts is relieved of his duties (let us hope permanently) as Marmol comes in and induces a quick fly out. He then proceeds to throw at Jay Bruce's knee solidifying the fact that God hates my fantasy team. Marmol K's Bruce and the the lead remains 5.

10:07PM
We have a late charge in the most seen commercial race tonight as Southwest's "Lady Boxing Out On the Elevator" makes its move!

10:07PM
Bob and Len discuss how far it is from Puerto Rico to Seattle. That's what you get with a 5-run lead.

10:12PM
Is it just me or does it seem like they crank up the outfield mics in games like this? All I can hear are the drunken morons screaming at each other. Maybe I'm just getting old and cranky.

10:16PM
Maybe I am an idiot, but why exactly is Bradley appealing his suspension? Since he's not on the DL, he would have served his suspension already if he doesn't hit tonight. I understand there are principalities involved here, but they seem trivial at best.

10:12PM
Viscaino in to close it out. All 3,000 fans left are thrilled.

10:25PM
The ump appears to have no plans tonight as he calls a borderline strike three pitch a ball. Next pitch is hit off the wall. Jerry Hairston Jr. then gets booed for no reason other than the drunks kind of remember his name...sort of.

10:25PM
JHJ takes strike three looking and the Cubs wrap up another one. Time to sing.

Go Cubs.

"Live" Blogging: After the Missouri Game Edition

The Cubs and Sox are playing a split squad game in Vegas tonight. Sounds like live blog material, right? I agree...and I will, as soon as my Missouri Tigers are done crushing the Sooners.

10:17PM:
Things I thought before I started officially "live" blogging.

1) Lou needs to be introduced to this thing called sunscreen.
2) As reader Brent points out, the problem isn't Soriano hitting 1st...it's Lee hitting 3rd.
3) Len mentioned that "fans are already getting on Soriano" which brings up a great question. How much does your life need to suck for you to be the guy booing at a Cubs spring training game in Vegas?
4) Brent's second contribution: Smarja not impressing me. Agreed.
5) John Van Benshoten, I will draft you for that name alone.
6) Do we really need to interview a guy to find out why people should come to Vegas?
7) I heart spring training baseball Part 1: Micah hit one to the warning track and it bounced in FRONT of the outfielder.
8) I heart spring training baseball Part 2: So Taguchi drives in two runs. Last time I ever type that sentence.

10:19PM
We were wondering if Bob's kid was at spring training when we were down there. Turns out he is. Good to know now that we are 3.5 hours away.

10:22 PM
Wait, it's Rascal Flatts and Darius Rucker or Billy Joel and Elton John? Talk about too close too call.

10:24PM
Please insert your own snarky comments about Jermaine Dye while I walk my dog.

10:27PM
4-2 Sox in the 5th. The Riot gets a hit off Von Longest Name and is "ready for opening day right now."

10:29PM
Cubs are in business after ARam "doubles" down the line. I can't believe he isn't hustling in game 9 of spring training. Lou can't believe it either and pulls him for a pinch runner.

10:34PM
According to Len, Micah is the "2009 version of Daryl Ward." I wish he was the 2009 version of Derek Lee.

10:39PM
Non-roster invitee Jason Waddell, who has an "intriguing" arm according to Lou, gives up a bomb to Konerko. Lou has an eye for talent.

10:45PM
Len and Bob have spent the last 5 minutes defending Waddell to the handful of fans still paying attention to this meaningless game on a random late Wednesday evening. That's why I love them.

10:50PM
Fontenot takes advantage of the single A talent in the outfield and turns a double into a triple. HUGE at bat for Hill (little known fact: Lou is famous for making his backup catcher decisions based on ABs that take place in the 6th inning of the 9th spring training game). He flies out. Good news for Bako.

10:56PM
You know it's a split squad game when the guy we traded Wuertz for is playing.

10:58PM
Things I've Learned in 2009: Fake to third, throw to first works in three situations: 1) College baseball 2) Spring training 3) When Mark Grace is on 1st.

11:01PM
Theriot gets "funky with it" down the line and the game is tied.

11:06PM
Nothing says Cubs baseball is back like a cheesy Menard's commercial.

11:06PM
I agree when Len says Chad Fox has had a lot of arm issues. I disagree when Len says we are happy to see him back on the mound.

11:11PM
I heart spring training baseball Part 3: After the PA guy announces the new White Sox batter Cole Armstrong, there is a pause and then you hear some random fan yell, "Boo. Boo Armstrong." Kudos, sir. Kudos.

11:17PM
Josh Fields (aka the waste of space I refused to drop on my keeper team) chunks a grounder. So glad I held on to him.

11:20PM
Dave Van Dyck from the Trib is in the booth now which reminds me...Martin and I saw Paul Sullivan up close down in Mesa. He may have even appeared in a picture or two, I believe. He is my new favorite beat writer for the Cubs and it's not just because I could fit him in my pocket, I swear.

11:29PM
DVD and Len discuss Arod for nearly a second and half and I almost changed the channel. Let's move on, folks. Please.

11:31PM
Bob quotes Jon Kruk talking about day games after night games, "It was much easier to stay up than to get up." Bravo.

11:34PM
Since I'm too lazy to actually look up the name of the guy who just stole second, I will assume it's the name I heard Len say: Rob Nen. Yes, it's late.

11:40PM
Hey, it's everyone's favorite cock-tease...Angel Guzman! Unfortunately, the line was off in Vegas tonight on whether or not he actually explodes on the mound. He did give up a jack, though. 6-6.

11:46PM
Butter Burger may be the best name for a food product ever. I need to go to Culver's soon.

11:49PM
I'm pretty sure that my blackjack addiction would keep me from going to this game if I was in Vegas. Actually, I'm pretty sure my gambling addiction would keep me from going OUTSIDE if I was in Vegas.

11:54PM
Heading to the bottom of the 9th and much like the Cubs and Sox, I will not be going extras. My conditioning isn't quite where it needs to be to attempt that yet, sorry.
UPDATE: They will go extras, apparently. I still will not.

11:55PM
Sam Fuld flashes the leather and I am two outs from bedtime. Newish second baseman "Barney" almost makes it two outs even after a 5-foot throw towards first. Good times.

11:59PM
Rule 5er Patton gets the loss after giving up an RBI single. Damn. Only 30 games to go BEFORE Opening Day.

Go Cubs.

What Happens When All My Teams Crap the Bed...

It's Time to Live Blog NFL Sunday!

With that team that shall remain nameless delivering an embarrassing postseason performance AND my Missouri Tigers choking on NATIONAL TV TWICE in two weeks, I figure it's time to focus my attention elsewhere. As the proud owner of DirecTV's NFL Sunday Ticket, I thought it might be fun to give my three readers a glimpse of what Sunday's at Casa de J dot is like.

11:55AM: Before the games get under way, let me set the stage. I have two receivers in my living room allowing me to spit screen my plasma TV. On one half, we have the Red Zone channel. On the other half...I flip between the Raiders (my brother's favorite team, sadly), the Chefs (wife's from KC) and whatever game features the most fantasy players for those in attendance . I also have another flat screen dedicated to the Bears game with sound. That's a lot 'o football, I know. By about 4 o'clock, my eyes feel like they are about to pop out of my head...but in a good way. Speaking of in attendance, I am joined by Molly the Dog, my wife Jen, my brother Jon (late again) and my friend Brent (also tardy). Let's do this.

12:03 PM: First beer is barely cracked and my fantasy franchise player, Adrian Peterson, is already losing the carries battle with Chester Taylor. Not good. On a more exciting note, we've got Brad Johnson going for the 'boys today! Everybody party like it's 1998!

12:10 PM: Vikings go for it on 4th and goal...TD AP! Nice. Even better news? The guy I'm playing in fantasy started Matt Jones this week. They aren't playing. That's why I love playing guys with young children...they never have their priorities straight.

12:13 PM: Hooray! It's Jeremy Shockey with a catch! Took a helmet right in the sports hernia, if you catch my meaning. Ouch. Also, Bears went no huddle and scored in like 4 seconds. Bless you, Kyle Orton.

12:22 PM: Two things. 1) My brother just set a new record for the least amount of time in charge of the remote (40 seconds). 2) Bears blocked a punt and scored. Best part? During the melee following the block, a Vikings player "illegally kicked" the ball. I didn't even know you could get flagged for that. Awesome.

12:30PM: Looks like CBS's Guru was right. The Cowboys defense sucks. 14-7 Rams in the 1st and it's 1st and Goal St. Louis after a Brad Johnson pick. I guess if you are right 1 out of every 17 weeks, you can call yourself a guru. Good to know. Oh, and Tony Romo...your table is ready.

12:45PM: According to the Bears announcers, Kyle Orton has a "feathery touch." I am now a more than a little uncomfortable.

12:55PM: Speaking of uncomfortable, there are these new Burger King commercials that involve two dudes with guitars and some creepy song. When did confusing and annoying your audience become the best way to advertise?

1:05PM: The wife has decided to pick the middle of the early games to start decorating for Halloween. By decorating, I mean randomly moving a bunch of pumpkins around the living room and muttering to herself.

1:25PM: Brent has arrived and referred to my choice of cans instead of bottles as "low brow." He is wearing a top hat and a monocle, so I guess I see his point.

1:30PM: Jon is currently retelling a story involving his fiancee, a goth bar and a pirate. I wish I was making that up.

1:33PM: Is anyone still watching Prison Break? I bailed on that show a year and a half ago. I mean, they brought back a girl who was DECAPITATED last year. They don't even have the balls to do that on Days of Our Lives.

1:45PM: You know what's awesome? When your QB completes a pass and the WR fumbles it on the goal line. I really like that. Really. Honestly. Couldn't be happier.

2:00PM: "Hey Richie Rich, not everyone is as rich as you! Aldi is good!" Welcome to Sunday at J dot's. Random and a tad creepy.

2:05PM: Ok, so I am now live blogging, watching 3 different games AND grilling lunch. I wonder which one of those I will neglect...

2:16PM: I am always amazed by how few of the games are remotely interesting on any given week. Today? Two. Shockingly enough, nothing about KC v. Titans or Ravens v Dolphins gets my heart rate going. Also, the return of Brad Johnson has failed to meet the "hype." 134 YDS and 2 picks. I don't think TO is gonna be doing his tear-filled "That's my quarterback" after this game.

2:45PM: Quick note on who sucks this week. Brad Johnson, JT O'Sullivan, the Cowboys, Burger King Ads, Drew Brees, Ocho Cinco, the Chargers and mean people. What doesn't suck? The SD chicken in that Sony ad.

2:57PM: We just had our SECOND "illegal kicking" penalty of the day! Thank God they cracked down on that. It was getting ridiculous.

3:01PM: Bears are up 7, with the ball. Seems like victory is within their reach. Hmmm. Why does this sound familiar?

3:06PM: Quick impression of what it sounds like to spend the day with Molly the Dog and her toys. SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

3:11PM: And the reverse jinx works! Bears win! BTW, final score was 48-41. Over/under was 43. I don't have anything funny to say about that.

3:17PM: Dick Enberg managed to work "another delicious first and 5" and "looks like he's going for the baker's dozen" into consecutive sentences. One of the the few bad things about DirecTV is the realization of how AWFUL most of the announcers are.

3:25PM: Just wanted to update the awesomeness of my fantasy opponent's lineup. He also started a kicker who was hurt. His backup scored 10. At this rate, I'm gonna to owe his daughter a fruit basket for being just enough of a distraction to get me the cheap win.

3:40PM: Remember my brother's story about pirates and a goth bar? Well, he's topping it right now with a story about a murder. He tells the best stories.

3:44PM: Yao Ming interviewed during the Houston game. Awkward, party one one, your table is ready.

4:05PM: Phil Simms: DB's are "ka-told" to hold their water, hold their water.
I was paying attention to the game and I have no idea what he was talking about.

4:11PM: First bet of the day! Jon bet Brent he had high point in our fantasy league 10 times last year. He was almost right...only missed it by half. That transitioned into Jon bragging about how awesome his Moss/Brady combo was last year, which brought us to this exchange:

Brent: How much did you get paid for winning the playoffs again?

Jon: I didn't win in the playoffs.

Brent: Exactly.

6:30PM: Games got boring, so we started playing NHL 09. My bad. The Jets and Raiders are somehow still playing. I am trying to care.

6:36PM: The Raiders Sebastian "Thunderfoot" Janikowski kicks it through from 57 yards out! Raiders win! Ladies, keep an eye on your drinks tonight because Janikowski is coming to a bar near you! Free roofies for everyone!

6:43PM: Random final question. Which is worst?

1) Being faced in 3 games by an inferior team?
2) Watching that team get smoked in the next round?
3) Blowing a 3-1 series lead?

I still think it's #1.

Go Rays.

Live Blog: Why Aren't They Called the Manta Rays Again?

Seriously? No one could have see the Devil thing being a problem?

Anyway. We've decided to live blog this one so sit back and enjoy the bitterness.

Jdot (6:05 PM): Hey, it's Don Zimmer. It's like a Lakers game for old farts!

Jdot (6:15 PM): I think you can judge a team's post season chances by their backstop ads. Let's just say "Lumber Liquidators" isn't a good sign.

Jdot (6:19 PM): Martin is making fish tacos for dinner. Just thought I'd share that. Think he's obsessed with the Cubs at all? The only way that would be more ridiculous of a choice is if he referred to them as Devil Ray Tacos.

Jdot (6:23 PM): If you would have told me at the beginning of the season that a) the Rays were gonna be a factor in June and b) we would make a conscious effort to ensure Dempster started game 1 against those same Rays, I would have told you that maybe it was a bad idea to go off your meds.

Jdot (6:25 PM): Do Tampa fans even know what a "playoff atmosphere" is? They all seem asleep. Maybe they should bring over that ridiculous pirate ship from the Bucs stadium and fire off some cannons. Or at least tell them all if they cheer loud enough they can get 2 bucks off the "Early Bird" special at Denney's. Just a thought.

Chud (6:33 PM): Damn east coast games, forgot it started already!

Jdot (6:34 PM): Ladies and gentleman, a true Cubs fan.

Chud (6:34 PM): Over/under on how long until someone beats that Rays fan to death with a foam finger?

Jdot (6:36 PM): Anywhere else, he'd be dead already. Unfortunately, most of these fans escaped from a local nursing home and are just mad that no one has brought them their pudding yet.

Jdot (6:42 PM): What's going on with Rambo's beard tonight?

Jdot (6:52 PM): Remind me why we didn't keep Floyd again? Yikes he killed that one.

Chud (6:54 PM): Anyone else think Dwayne Stats could be the love child of Robert Reed (aka Mike Brady)?

Jdot (6:56 PM): I was cheering loudly for Theriot to get there on that dropped third strike. Never a good sign.

Jdot (6:58 PM): I think that Cubs Disney Vacation thing looks awesome. Shockingly, my wife disagrees.

UPDATE: Called her to ask again about going on this trip and she said, "Is DeRosa there? If not, not friggin' way."

Jdot (7:02 PM): Boston/Phillie game is on here at the bar. Why can't we have a "roving reporter" like Heidi Watley?

Jdot (7:05 PM): They practice the "bases loaded hit off the plate shovel it to the catcher for the force out" play? Somehow, I find that hard to believe.

Chud (7:14 PM): Exhibit number 2 for Jason's backstop ads theory: Culpepper/Kurland Personal Injury Attorneys. Again not a good sign.

Chud (7:16 PM): The only thing more annoying than listening to Dickie V is listening to people do impersonations of him.

Jdot (7:17 PM): I think you are using the word "impersonation" a tad liberally. Awkwardly creaming "baby" doesn't really count.

Chud (7:21 PM): "Awkwardly creaming baby"? Are you still blogging the game or have you wandered to some "other" sites?

Jdot (7:26 PM): Regardless, I have a new fantasy team name.

Chud (7:30 PM): Or the title of your autobiography.

Jdot (7:30 PM): 2 things. 1) NO HITTER! NO HITTER! NO HITTER! Whew, got that out of the way. 2) Just had the first bar patrons of the night who were shocked that the NBA game wasn't going to be on with sound. Go home.

Jdot (7:31 PM): Matt Murton! Let's take this moment to repost the creepiest/coolest pic of Murton ever!


Thanks to Desipio.

Chud (7:36 PM): Were those same bar patrons shocked that Larry Bird and Magic Johnson weren't playing in the game tonight as well?

Jdot (7:38 PM): As my dad always told me, if you can't win...blame the Batter's Eye.

Jdot (7:41 PM): THEY ARE PITCHING THERIOT AWAY? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DOES NO ONE IN MLB HAVE ADVANCED SCOUTS?

Chud (7:44 PM): Thank you Willy Aybar!

Jdot (7:43 PM): Tie game! (high-fiving self)

Chud (7:47 PM): Has the Cubs offense suddenly got that bad, that Bob Brenly is advocating Theriot intentionally getting caught in a rundown just to try and score a run?

Jdot (7:48 PM): Yes. Or maybe he's just taking a page out of Ronnie's book: "I would LOVE a passed ball here!"

Chud (7:52 PM): You know you're catering to an older crowd when your team doesn't just have Throwback Night, they have Throwback Tuesday.

Jdot (7:56 PM): Did they just say that someone on the Cubs broadcast team is nicknamed Peanut Butter?

Jdot (7:59 PM): Rambo looks out of gas. Seems early for that problem.

Jdot (8:02 PM): Mmmmm. Wings.

Chud (8:12 PM): Talking baby and a clown . . . still makes me laugh . . . well done E-Trade.

Jdot (8:13 PM): Sorry about the wing delay.

Just so we are clear. That ball to Hinske was high AND outside. And he got tossed for no reason. Go Cubs.

Martin (8:15 PM): There's the Matt Murton power I remember.

Jdot (8:18 PM) Ass.

Martin (8:20 PM) And people get annoyed that Marmol pitches in every game...

Jdot (8:22 PM): Hmmm. I wonder if Neal Cotts is available in our keeper league.

Jdot (8:25 PM): Should I feel bad that I could care less about the NBA game?

Jdot (8:27 PM): Just realized that the Cubs have never won when I've done one of these. Sometimes my own stupidity amazes me.

Martin (8:32 PM): Crappy Ronny's back! Huzzah!

Jdot (8:33 PM): Crazy ass Reed Johnson.

Martin (8:35): How bad has it become that I prefer Theriot to Lee in this situation>

Jdot: (8:36): BTW, write it down, remember it, I don't give a f*#k...someone finally pitched Theriot inside. And then...

Martin (8:36): WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU JACKASS.

Jdot: (8:36): Yep. That was smart.

UPDATE: Have to clarify this one. 2 dumb plays in a row...1) getting the last out at third on which is EASILY the dumbest play so far this year and 2) throwing a ball away at first when the guy is ALREADY on first.

Martn (8:39): Go back to Iowa Neal. Preferably the part that's still underwater.

Jdot (8:45): If they don't give up a run here, I'll fly to TB and give Wuertz a happy ending. That's how much I care.

Jdot (8:49): Ad #3: Ball Wrist Watches. I think they are making most of these up.

Jdot (8:51): Reason #4,894 Why I Shouldn't Watch a Cubs Game at the Bar:
Some dude just put money in the jukebox (killing sound on the game) to play "Dancing Queen." I wish I was making that up.

Martin (8:53): Thank you for being dumb Upton.

Martin (8:56): Does anyone actually think he was trying to hit him there? Man, fans are dumb.

Jdot: (8:58): I think they need to revise the HBP rule. If you take one off the jersey and act like you just took one off the knee/nuts, it's an out. Who's with me?

Jdot: (9:00): My jukebox buddy followed up "Dancing Queen" with "Freedom" by George Michael. Just wanted to keep you in the loop.

Martin (9:01): Sharp Aquos "Game Changing Play of the Day?" Might as well just call it "Dumbass of the Day."

Jdot: (9:02): Zing! He will be here all week, folks. Remember, the 9:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show! Please, tip your waitresses!

Jdot: (9:07): How Aramis doesn't injure himself every AB is one of God's mysteries.

Martin (9:08): Your jukebox buddy might be trying to tell you something. If R. Kelly's "Out of the Closet" comes on next, you may have yourself a new friend...

Martin (9:09): Watching the way the Cubs are swinging the bats tonight makes me want to kick the guy from savethefamgame.com in the nuts. Repeatedly.

Jdot (9:17): At this point, I just want this game to end (sorry) so that I can take L home without getting mugged.

Martin (9:18): Don't worry. You will get mugged, so relax and enjoy.

Jdot (9:22): Maybe this ump needs a refresher course on "K Zone."

Martin (9:22): Murton apparently went to the Jim Edmonds school of taking bad angles on balls.

Jdot (9:25): (Insert Unicorn Joke)

Martin (9:26): Well, some nights you just don't have it.

Jdot (9:31): (quietly banging head on table)

Martin (9:30): I don't think anyone knows the rule about catchers as DHs at this point.

Jdot (9:36): I think he was gonna be out.

Martin (9:35): Ugh.

Martin (9:38): Another wild one would be helpful here.

Jdot: (9:39): Wow.

Martin (9:39): Made it interesting.


Well, on a night when they had nothing going offensively and made a number of stupid mistakes both on the bases and in the field, they came one throw away from tying up a team that has 40 wins. Hard to be mad about that one. Go get 'em tomorrow.

Best Way to Jinx the Cubs? Let's Try a Live Blog!

2:44 PM

Figured that since the Cubs are on during the day today and I have some free time at work, it's the perfect time to throw out a live blog. That should successfully jinx this team, right?

2:46 PM 2 Outs Top 3, Chicago 1 Colorado 1

D Lee grounds out. Good start. If anyone can ruin this season, I know I can.

2:38 PM Bot. 3, Chicago 1 Colorado 1

Marquis on the mound today. I swear he was pitching the last time I did this.

As great as this start has been, this pitching staff still scares the bajesus out of me. Has anyone looked ever at the lineup card and said:

"Shit, we've got Marquis today...we're screwed."

I doubt it.

(I may have made that exact joke before too)

2:52 PM 2 Outs Bot. 3, Chicago 1 Colorado 1

Do announcers for other teams read faxes and emails during EVERY game? And speaking of which...why are they still taking faxes? It's 2008 for god's sake. If you don't have email by now, I highly doubt you have a question that is worth reading on the air.

This whole fax thing has baffled me for years. Who is sitting at work and thinks, "I was wondering why they don't just call it the 'fair pole.' Let's send a fax to the Cubs radio announcers and get an answer."

3 up 3 down.

2:57 PM 1 Out Top 4, Chicago 1 Colorado 1

Pat gets way to excited about a warning track fly ball from Fuku. He must have a clause in his contract that stipulates that he is allowed to toy with the listener's emotions at least 5 times per game.

3 up 3 down.

I sure picked a winner of a game to live blog.

3:02 PM 1 Out Bot. 4

Pat and Ron are doing their best Len Kasper impersonation...trying their darnedest to put a hex on Marquis.

Example: Last night, Len made a point to refer to Tulowitski as "the struggling Tulowitski" right before he drilled the homer that gave the Rockies the lead. I love it when he does that.

Marquis gets the double play. 4 up 3 down.

3:09 PM, 0 Out Top 5, Chicago 1 Colorado 1

Where does Pat go every 5th inning? Cigarette break? BM? Daily drowning of a puppy? I need to know these things.

3 Up 3 Down. Again. Riveting.

3:15 PM, 0 Out, Bot. 5, Chicago 1 Colorado 1

Fantasy Note: In the history of fantasy baseball has anyone fallen off as fast as Andruw Jones?
That fat bastard is killing my fantasy team. It's never good when you get the player updates and for Jones it reads:

"Jones turning into a joke."

Ouch.

3:20 PM 2 Out Bot. 5, "Pods" on 2nd, Chicago 1 Colorado 1

I'm not really sure how I feel about Todd Helton. I mean, yes, he's a great hitter. I just can't get over the fact that he looks EXACTLY like this guy in college I knew who used to wear his boxers inside out to get an extra day or two out of them. I find myself dry-heaving every time he comes to the plate. It's distracting.


3:25 PM, 1 Out Top 6, Chicago 1 Colorado 1

I think Theriot just struck out. Not sure, because Ronnie was babbling about a fax or something.

3 UP 3 Down. Can you feel the excitement?


3:29 PM. 0 Out Bot. 6, Chicago 1 Colorado 1

Watching the game last night, I couldn't believe that their closer had blown 3 straight BEFORE he blew the save against the Cubs. There would have been burning effigies of Lou all over Wrigleyville if that happened here. I'm not saying that's good or bad. I'm just saying.

Marquis gives up a walk and then Pat gives me a heart attack with his call of another warning track fly ball (for those of you score at home, that's the second one today).

Make that three.

3 Up 3 Down. The tension is palpable.

3:36 PM, 0 Out Top 7, Chicago 1 Colorado 1

Len/Pat just called this a "winnable" game, which ironically makes it a "loseable" game now.

2 straight fly-balls with "Unnecessary Pat Hughes Excitement" distance by Aramis and Fuku. He is apparently bored or easily excitable today. Judging by the game, I say it's the former.

DeRo K's.

3 Up 3 Down. Cook has sent down the last 16 he has faced. Super.

3:42 PM 0 Out Bot. 7, Chicago 1 Colorado 1

"Uh-oh."

That's all we hear from Pat as we come back from the break. 2-1 Rockies.

Time to get someone up, Lou.

3:47 PM, 1 Out Bot. 7, Chicago 1 Colorado 2

Cubs utilize the popular 1 (ricochet) to 5 to 3 putout at first.

2 outs. "Backwards Boxers" is up with a man on.

Got 'em.

"Marquis is pitching a very good ball game," says Pat.

Sure, if you don't count that tater he just gave up.

Rally time!

3:52 PM, 0 Out Top 8, Chicago 1 Colorado 2

Pat and Ron are going with the "pitcher had to run the bases so he's tired now" theory for this inning.

And...they're right. Soto singles.

The suddenly pinch-runner crazy Lou Piniella takes out Soto for Cedeno. 1st and 2nd, 0 0uts.

Pie gets another hit. Maybe there is something to this "tired pitcher" thing.

D-Ward batting for Marquis. He walks!

Bases drunk for Fontenot and I have to pee.

3:58 PM, 0 Out Top 8, Chicago 1 Colorado 2

Fontenot grounder to 2nd, run scores. Runners on 1st and 3rd. 1 Out. 2-2 game.

Theriot up and I can't breathe.

Theriot lines out, Fontenot doubled off. It's deja vu all over again.

At least the game is tied AND I can go to the bathroom.

3:58 PM, 0 Out Bot. 8, Chicago 2 Colorado 2

Corey Hart is in...facing Holiday. I will no cease breathing.

Double.

Crap.

Groundout. Holiday to 3rd. 1 Out.

Must not breathe.

Intentional walk to Hawpe to face...Tulowitski? O.....k.....

What the?!?

Len/Pat just said Tulowitski was "struggling." What is wrong with him?

Side note: When he is up, the fans do this "clap-clap-clapclapclap-TULO!" chant. It's neat-o (not sure if that is sarcastic or not).

E 6 on a potential double play. Rockies up 3-2.

I blame Pat...and The Riot, obviously.

4:18 PM, 1 Out Bot. 8, Chicago 2 Colorado 3

Hart gets the K.

Pat just informed us that we have Lee, Aramis and Fuku up in the 9th. Any chance they trot that closer back out there?

Hart is now in trouble. 3-0 on made-up player Spilborghs...base hit. 4-2 Rockies.

4:18 PM, Between Innings, Chicago 2 Colorado 4

I've decided to not post this inning in order to try and lift the jinx I put on the Cubs.

(fingers crossed)

4:28 PM, Chicago 2 Colorado 4 Final

I am now officially banning live blogs.

Please send all hate mail to Marty as I will be hiding in a cave for the next few days.

My bad.

Go Cubs.