This Is Getting Ridiculous.

0-9.

That's the Cubs record with me in the stands dating back to the start of the 2008 season. Seriously.

ZERO WINS.

They haven't won in OVER A YEAR with me in attendance. I don't know why this is continues to happen. I have not taunted the baseball gods. I avoid cracks. I walk around ladders. I don't break mirrors. I haven't crossed paths with any black cats. I have not looked at a new moon over my left shoulder nor have I sung before breakfast (thanks Google). And yet...the Cubs continue to lose. It's infuriating. With that in mind, I have some good news and some bad news.

First the bad news. I am going today. Sorry.

Good news? If they lose today, I will not go anymore. I promise (not really).

Go Cubs.

We Fukudome in your...

So the boys and I have been talking about the Cubs, Wrigley and basically watching baseball live. Apparently, there are a TON of things we don't like when watching a game at the house that Santo built. In no particular order:

1) Standing Up to Get Your Beers
There is no way that your pants are that tight that you can't lean on one cheek (sp?). You can access the money, whether you are still keep the goods in your back pocket or grab it out of your front pocket, without having to go vertical. You're blocking our view. Quit it.

2) Super Negative Fans
We get it. The Cubs suck. Individually and as a team. Is there any way the rest of us can enjoy the game without you repeatedly pointing out that Theriot's OBP is below .300? Just asking.

3. You With the Cell Phone
I'm on TV? No way! Really! OMG! Can you see me still? I'm standing up now. Wave? I am waving.

4. Murphy's

5. White Sox Suck v. Cardinals Take it in the Pujols T-shirts
We get it. You're Cubs fans. You both lose.

(Also receiving votes: Drunks Chicks Dig Me and Shut Up and Drink Your Beer)

6. Meet Me at the Harry Caray Statue
Good god people, there are a hundred better meeting places around the stadium. I hate to give away a secret here, but...Taco Bell.

7. Banks, Santo, Dawson, Grace, Williams, Jenkins and Ryno
Those are the jerseys you can wear. Brian McRae was great and all, but if he ain't on the field and he ain't on this list. Stop it.

7a. Stop putting your last name on a jersey.
It confuses us for two minutes, then it makes us mad when we realize that no one named Kronewitter has ever been a Cub.

8. Souvenir Guy
Move idiot. Hawk your bear claw somewhere else.

9. Moo
Yes, we are all waiting in a big line in the bathroom. Yes, we seem like cattle. No, you shouldn't make the joke.

9a. River Rat is not funny. Ever.

10. Left field sucks. Right field sucks. Lets be adults here, you all suck. Shut up and drink your beer.

Oops.

Feel free to add your own in the comments!

More tomorrow.

Go Cubs.