So the boys and I have been talking about the Cubs, Wrigley and basically watching baseball live. Apparently, there are a TON of things we don't like when watching a game at the house that Santo built. In no particular order:
1) Standing Up to Get Your Beers
There is no way that your pants are that tight that you can't lean on one cheek (sp?). You can access the money, whether you are still keep the goods in your back pocket or grab it out of your front pocket, without having to go vertical. You're blocking our view. Quit it.
2) Super Negative Fans
We get it. The Cubs suck. Individually and as a team. Is there any way the rest of us can enjoy the game without you repeatedly pointing out that Theriot's OBP is below .300? Just asking.
3. You With the Cell Phone
I'm on TV? No way! Really! OMG! Can you see me still? I'm standing up now. Wave? I am waving.
4. Murphy's
5. White Sox Suck v. Cardinals Take it in the Pujols T-shirts
We get it. You're Cubs fans. You both lose.
(Also receiving votes: Drunks Chicks Dig Me and Shut Up and Drink Your Beer)
6. Meet Me at the Harry Caray Statue
Good god people, there are a hundred better meeting places around the stadium. I hate to give away a secret here, but...Taco Bell.
7. Banks, Santo, Dawson, Grace, Williams, Jenkins and Ryno
Those are the jerseys you can wear. Brian McRae was great and all, but if he ain't on the field and he ain't on this list. Stop it.
7a. Stop putting your last name on a jersey.
It confuses us for two minutes, then it makes us mad when we realize that no one named Kronewitter has ever been a Cub.
8. Souvenir Guy
Move idiot. Hawk your bear claw somewhere else.
9. Moo
Yes, we are all waiting in a big line in the bathroom. Yes, we seem like cattle. No, you shouldn't make the joke.
9a. River Rat is not funny. Ever.
10. Left field sucks. Right field sucks. Lets be adults here, you all suck. Shut up and drink your beer.
Oops.
Feel free to add your own in the comments!
More tomorrow.
Go Cubs.
Posts
Could I get an Ed Winseniak jersey because he's my relative and he actually played for the Cubs, or is that illegal? And would I be the douche if someone thought it was my name because they'd never heard of him, or would it be the guy who didn't recognize that Ed actually played for the club in the late 1950s? These are perplexing questions that I've often wondered about.
ReplyDeleteAlso, speaking of hard to spell names, how's Jeff Samardzija looking down there? Any Brady Quinn sightings?
And finally, why do you refuse to make a move in Scrabulous? It's been like five days. Is it because I'm smoking you again?
Stuff I've wanted to say every time I go to a game (and don't even get me started on concert etiquette), and you've done it for me; thanks so much.
ReplyDeleteAwesome analysis! So many of the same things I hate too! I love it. The one thing I feel the need to add...guys who wear the wrist bands of ANY team to the game. You are not a player and therefore, sweaty wrists will not impede upon your ability to be a jackass.
ReplyDeleteHilarious! I'll add it to the list when we do version 2.0.
ReplyDeleteProud to be a part of this. MAN you guys are so lucky. I sure wish I could be there. Keep havin fun and please keep the updates comin, I love them!
ReplyDelete