Fact #1: Any item featuring the word “Cubbie” automatically reduces my opinion of the item by at least 30%. Any person regularly referring to the Cubs as the “Cubbies” automatically makes me want to stab them in the eye with a rusty fork.
Fact #2: Henry Blanco couldn’t hit .300 in batting practice.
Fact #3:The obnoxious, loud chubby Cubs/Detroit Lions (?) fan who has been the bane of my existence for two days should recognize the fact that being embarrassingly blown off by the weekend sports guy from channel 7 should necessitate a personality change. Unfortunately, he will not.
Fact #4 (A Question, really):If Castro’s official resignation was today, for how many years has he actually been dead?
Fact #5: People were offering others good money for their free roster cards because apparently only 250 were available today. Is this necessary? Apparently, its vitally important to know exactly how much MLB service time Ed Campusano has right now. Isn’t that something that could wait one day?
Fact #6: I’m awwwwwwwwwwwful at small talk. I’m fairly certain I offended both my server and another customer at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf by my poor attempts at small talk. This was on two separate occasions. I wish there were a class on not making an ass of yourself to strangers.
Fact #7: Then again, my analysis of my lack of small talk talent is only making the situation worse. I may or may not have spent at least 25 minutes analyzing each conversation to determine what, exactly, I did wrong. I’m like the Chuck Knoblauch or Mackey Sasser of small talk-I just can’t make the throw anymore.
Fact #8: I love black and white cookies.
Fact #9: When your discussions of your fantasy baseball league are so intricate and detailed that the person sitting next to you asks “do you guys work for Major League Baseball or something,” then its time to reassess your commitment to fantasy sports. And your life in general.
Fact #10: Words cannot quantify how glad I am that Ronnie Woo Woo isn’t here.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
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Please don't stick my mom in the eye with a fork when you hear her say Cubbies.
ReplyDeleteOdd timing with the small talk comments as we just had a business etiquette seminar at Manhard. Amazingly enough, we covered the appropriate topics to cover during small talk. Feel free to use as your own:
ReplyDelete1. Weather - gee, sure is sunny today. Probably not going to spark an interesting discussion.
2. Travel - So, does your mom drive you to work or do you walk?
3. A good book - or in your case last good trip to Barnes and Noble to select a book to read.
4. A recent movie - I would stay away from discussions about any movie watched so far in Arizona while Jason is in control of the remote
Off limit topics:
1. Religion - I'd start off with telling them you're a member of the Westboro Baptist Church and see what happens.
2. Politics (Although, disparaging comments about John McCain in your current location would spark a lively debate.)