Marty's Facts Realized After Day Four of Cubs Camp

Fact #1: NEVER celebrate getting a three card 21 at the blackjack table until you see what the dealer has. You will get punched by others at the table.

Fact #2: Biggest lie told during Spring Training: Any scumbag over the age of 15 who brings 20-30 pieces of memorabilia to Spring Training, complete with multiple binders of cards and photos, who says “Can I get an autograph or 20 for my kid?”

Fact #3: As a rule, anyone over the age of 15 should not bring a glove to a baseball game/practice/etc in order to catch a foul ball. However, just because Kevin Mitchell was able to catch a ball barehanded that one time does not mean that you should try to re-enact that moment without fully accepting the fact that you will miss it, you will look dumb doing it, and the welt on your body will be there almost as long as the embarrassment.

Fact #4: When trying to convince a player to throw you a souvenir ball, its important to say “I’m not a loser merchandise dealer who just wants to put this on Ebay, I’m just a normal loser who thinks getting a batting practice baseball from a guy who will probably never sniff the big leagues is cool.”

Fact #5: Pitchers try REALLY hard to make good catches in the outfield during batting practice. It’s like they overcompensate for their lack of real athletic ability (come on, very few pitchers are really “athletes” in the real sense of the word) by attempting to re-create the Willie Mays catch in the ’54 world series. The results are usually disastrous. I think Les Walrond might have separated a shoulder jumping into the wall to make a catch that no one aside from me even saw.

Fact #6: Speaking of jumping into the wall, the Cubs actually have a drill for the outfielders in which the object of the drill is to jump into the wall and catch the ball. Patrick made by far the best observation of this drill: “When you play 81 games in a stadium with a brick wall, maybe encouraging the players to jump into the outfield wall might not be the best idea for the long-term health of your players.”

Fact #7: I’ve never been as paralyzed by fame in my life than when Willie Mays walked past our blackjack table at Casino Arizona last night. After seeing him, watching Bobby Scales struggle to hit batting practice fastballs out of the infield seems a little bit sad.

Fact #8: Any drill in which a pitcher is required to throw a horribly wild pitch for the purposes of practicing covering home plate should be renamed the Rick Ankiel Drill.

Fact #9: They serve beer at the Fitch Park Concession stand at nine in the morning. There's no joke to be written there, I just thought it needed to be mentioned.

Fact #10: When you know that in Chicago it is currently four degrees and snowy, the feeling of sunburn can only be described as “beautiful agony.”