18 Games In...I'm Out.

Call me irrational. Call me a quitter. Call me a typical "the sky is falling" Cubs fan. I don't care. After 18 games of mostly lousy baseball, I'm done. I can't stand watching this team. Every time I turn them on, I get sick to my stomach. I should have known better too. Hendry never really gave them a shot to be successful. Gone are the veteran bats that could get the big hit in the clutch (Read: DeRosa and Edmonds). In their place are an always injured basket case who's hitting TWENTY (not 200, TWENTY) and Aaron Miles (Sucks). Good god. Throw in Soto's sophomore slump along with D-Lee's rotting corpse and I am actually shocked that they have won two games, let alone nine.

And then there is the pitching.

Ignoring the starters for a moment (who have been at least serviceable), this team's pen is filled with one mind-boggling question after another. Why does Neal Cotts even get to suit up for games? Does he have some nude photos of Lou and a 13-year-old Guatemalan boy? Why was throwing away 5 million on everyone's favorite Frenchman and Vizcaino a good idea? Why stretch out Smarj only to use him out of the pen when he gets the call? Why did anyone think giving the ball to a kid who hadn't pitched above Double-A would work? Why sign a closer with a gimp knee? Why continue to mess with the already paper-thin psyche of your closer-in-waiting by yo-yoing him between holding and saving? Why is it so impossible for this collection of stiffs to find the strike zone? I could go on and on.

Throw in the typical Cubs base running gaffes and their continued refusal to make the easy play in the outfield and this team may well be on its way to a worse under-achieving performance than...2004. That's right, I said it.

So I am done. I'm out. F this team. I've washed my hands of them...at least until around 8:40 CT tonight.

Go Cubs.

Catchers In the Cage

Off Day Email Extravaganza: Fernando Tatis Edition

Yes, before you ask, Mr. Tatis IS the best 3b available in my keeper league. Sad, but true. As of today, I stand 2 games out of the final playoff spot with 2 games remaining and I have to hang all my hopes and dreams on this SOB thanks to Evan Longoria's injury. Why am I still talking about this? Well, the Cubs took another weekend series and followed it up with an off day. Without them, I am left to obsess about my crappy fantasy team. Not good times. So in the hopes of keeping a small piece of my sanity, let's answer some viewer mail!

"J dot? What's with the lame name? Was J Diddy taken?"
Tim, Rolling Meadows, IL

Zing! Good one, Tim! Thanks for the email, person I just made up. To be honest, I am not a huge fan of this name either. It was originally chosen as an homage t0 one of the my favorite MCs, Shawn Carter aka Shawn Dot, aka Jay-Z. Actually, I think it was less lame before I used "homage" and "MC" in the same sentence. It's also one letter shorter than my actual name, so that will probably save me at least 1 hour a year of typing. When you post almost twice a week, you gotta find ways to save time.

With the Cubs playing so well, is it wrong that I want kick Derek Lee in the nuts, repeatedly?
Tim, Shreveport, LA

Not at all, guy with the same name as the last guy I made up, but I think you're gonna have to stand in line. D-Lee is turning into the Sammy Sosa of singles. He LOVES the meaningless hit. If there is no one on base, Lee can and will rip a single "right back where it came from." Put a man on base or even worse in scoring position and you can go ahead and mark "ground out" on your scorecard. It was borderline infuriating when it was happening in late May. Now? Well, all I can say is I now own a pair of steel-toed boots should the opportunity arise.

Marquis continues to pitch well. Is he gonna get screwed again and be left off the playoff roster?
Timothy, Macon, GA

Timothy? That's just a little pretentious for Macon isn't it? Anyhoo, when you say "pitch well," I am assuming you mean 5 innings with 1 K, 3 BB and 5 earned? It's gonna be hard to leave those kind of numbers off the playoff roster. I hope we can manage. Fingers crossed.

Geo of MVP? Gammons even said so!
Mark, Highland Park, IL

Finally, someone not named Tim. Yeah, I read that blog post too. While I agree with Mr. Gammons that Soto's handling of this pitching staff has been amazing, I find it hard to beleive that you can be the NL MVP when you aren't even in the top 3 on YOUR OWN TEAM. Call me old fashion.

Speaking hypothetically, what would you put the Cubs odds at: a) making the playoffs, b) winning the NLCS and c) taking home the trophy?
Jinxy Von Jinxalot, Jinxville, USA

Wow. Let's see.

Making the Playoffs: 5 to 1
They have a 5.5 game lead on the Brewers, who lead the wild card. I'd say the chances of them crapping the bed and losing the division are still pretty high, but they'd have to go all '69 Cubs on us to not make the playoffs. Let's make it 6 to 1, actually.

Winning the NLCS: 10 to 1
Good news. Home field advantage. Bad news, Randy "Cub Impaler" Johnson. Now's the time to start rooting for the Dodgers. I'm not saying that we can't beat the combo of Webb, Haren and Johnson. It's just that the first one's gonna be a 22-ish game winner, the second is the better better of the "H" pitchers and the third, well the third has NEVER LOST to the Cubs. I am already losing sleep over this matchup...and that's just round one. Good times.

Taking Home the Trophy: 12 to 1
Here is where it gets interesting. If they make it past AZ and the Brewers, then all you have to do is beat the Angels. Yes, those Angels. The ones with FIVE double-digit winners in the starting rotation. And Vlad. And Teixeira. Pardon me while I go vomit.

Go Cubs.