Break-Up? No, I Just Wanted to Take a Break...

Dear Cubs.

We need to talk. I think I owe you an apology. After Thome hit that home run on Sunday, I said some things I'm not proud of. For that I am truly sorry, but you have to understand how frustrated you were making me.

As you finished up your series with Atlanta, we were having the time of our lives. Remember? Oh how we laughed as you completed the sweep of the Braves. We were on top of the world then. 19 games over .500 with an 11 game home winning streak and your longest losing streak at that point was only 2 games. Then you went on that trip up to Toronto. It's a terrible place to play and I could tell you missed home. But you toughed it out. That made me so proud. But that's when the trouble started.

You headed down to Tampa and it's like you became a totally different team. Do you remember our first fight? I remember it like it was yesterday. After losing a close first game, I should have noticed the early warning signs in game 2. First Johnson has back spasms, then Edmonds hurts his foot and then Z is pulled out with shoulder trouble. Z! I was so worried it was making me sick, but I still had faith in you. You had been so good to me all year that I knew you could bounce back. But you didn't. It's like you were trying to hurt me. 7 runs in the 7th? Was that some sort of joke? I was so angry when that game ended I could spit, but I told myself that you deserved my support. You had earned it. It was, after all, your first 3 game losing streak of the year and you were coming home to play the White Sox.

I was so excited for you to be back home that I could barely sleep that night. What a weekend! I mean, the walkoff HR and then those two straight DOMINATING wins! Unreal! It was like I had you back. Maybe it was all the travel that made you so bad in Tampa. "Maybe things will go back to normal now," I thought. I was confident you had righted the ship and with Baltimore coming to town, I knew in my heart that the worst was over.

Boy was I wrong. After losing two out of three to the Orioles (seriously, the Orioles!) I thought maybe you would at least show up against your crosstown rivals over the weekend. Not a chance. Do you know how embarrassing it is for me to root for you when you play like that? Did you even think of my feelings when you were serving up gopher ball after gopher ball? Did you even consider how much you hurt me with your sloppy defense and base-running gaffes? You didn't did you? Typical.

So, yes...after Thome hit that home run I turned off the TV. I cursed you and your lousy rotation. I bitched about Aramis' lack of hitting, your costly mistakea and all the other things you did wrong over the past two weeks. I prayed for rain outs in SF and St. Louis. What did you expect? But then I crossed the line. I said that I wasn't going to watch you play anymore. I meant it at the time sure, but when I woke up the next morning I realized that I had made a mistake. You've had so many injuries during this bad stretch and who knows, if one wild pitch had bounced a different way or if they hadn't decided to use semi-drunk minor league umps on Sunday, we might not be even having this discussion.

Unfortunately, being the stubborn man I am, I couldn't back down from my boycott. I had to show you that you had hurt me. So I did it. No TV, no radio...I even ignored my fantasy teams. It was hard. I kept wanting to peek at a score, but I couldn't. Then this morning, I turned on WGN news and saw that you won! I was so happy for you it was like I was floating. But then it hit me.

You won without me. You didn't need me cheering every hit or fretting over every pitch. I started to wonder, "Am I the reason you lost those games?" I know it sounds crazy, but I was truly worried.

That's why I wrote you this letter. I wanted to make sure that it was OK with you that I watched tonight. I know I was a jerk and you have every right to be mad. Just say the word and I'll stay away from you as long as you want. If you think I'm a jinx, so be it. But if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I'd love to be able to watch you play tonight. So what do you say? Can you cut this overly-obsessed, borderline insane and apparently really long-winded fan a break for old time's sake?

Go Cubs.

Live Blog: Why Aren't They Called the Manta Rays Again?

Seriously? No one could have see the Devil thing being a problem?

Anyway. We've decided to live blog this one so sit back and enjoy the bitterness.

Jdot (6:05 PM): Hey, it's Don Zimmer. It's like a Lakers game for old farts!

Jdot (6:15 PM): I think you can judge a team's post season chances by their backstop ads. Let's just say "Lumber Liquidators" isn't a good sign.

Jdot (6:19 PM): Martin is making fish tacos for dinner. Just thought I'd share that. Think he's obsessed with the Cubs at all? The only way that would be more ridiculous of a choice is if he referred to them as Devil Ray Tacos.

Jdot (6:23 PM): If you would have told me at the beginning of the season that a) the Rays were gonna be a factor in June and b) we would make a conscious effort to ensure Dempster started game 1 against those same Rays, I would have told you that maybe it was a bad idea to go off your meds.

Jdot (6:25 PM): Do Tampa fans even know what a "playoff atmosphere" is? They all seem asleep. Maybe they should bring over that ridiculous pirate ship from the Bucs stadium and fire off some cannons. Or at least tell them all if they cheer loud enough they can get 2 bucks off the "Early Bird" special at Denney's. Just a thought.

Chud (6:33 PM): Damn east coast games, forgot it started already!

Jdot (6:34 PM): Ladies and gentleman, a true Cubs fan.

Chud (6:34 PM): Over/under on how long until someone beats that Rays fan to death with a foam finger?

Jdot (6:36 PM): Anywhere else, he'd be dead already. Unfortunately, most of these fans escaped from a local nursing home and are just mad that no one has brought them their pudding yet.

Jdot (6:42 PM): What's going on with Rambo's beard tonight?

Jdot (6:52 PM): Remind me why we didn't keep Floyd again? Yikes he killed that one.

Chud (6:54 PM): Anyone else think Dwayne Stats could be the love child of Robert Reed (aka Mike Brady)?

Jdot (6:56 PM): I was cheering loudly for Theriot to get there on that dropped third strike. Never a good sign.

Jdot (6:58 PM): I think that Cubs Disney Vacation thing looks awesome. Shockingly, my wife disagrees.

UPDATE: Called her to ask again about going on this trip and she said, "Is DeRosa there? If not, not friggin' way."

Jdot (7:02 PM): Boston/Phillie game is on here at the bar. Why can't we have a "roving reporter" like Heidi Watley?

Jdot (7:05 PM): They practice the "bases loaded hit off the plate shovel it to the catcher for the force out" play? Somehow, I find that hard to believe.

Chud (7:14 PM): Exhibit number 2 for Jason's backstop ads theory: Culpepper/Kurland Personal Injury Attorneys. Again not a good sign.

Chud (7:16 PM): The only thing more annoying than listening to Dickie V is listening to people do impersonations of him.

Jdot (7:17 PM): I think you are using the word "impersonation" a tad liberally. Awkwardly creaming "baby" doesn't really count.

Chud (7:21 PM): "Awkwardly creaming baby"? Are you still blogging the game or have you wandered to some "other" sites?

Jdot (7:26 PM): Regardless, I have a new fantasy team name.

Chud (7:30 PM): Or the title of your autobiography.

Jdot (7:30 PM): 2 things. 1) NO HITTER! NO HITTER! NO HITTER! Whew, got that out of the way. 2) Just had the first bar patrons of the night who were shocked that the NBA game wasn't going to be on with sound. Go home.

Jdot (7:31 PM): Matt Murton! Let's take this moment to repost the creepiest/coolest pic of Murton ever!


Thanks to Desipio.

Chud (7:36 PM): Were those same bar patrons shocked that Larry Bird and Magic Johnson weren't playing in the game tonight as well?

Jdot (7:38 PM): As my dad always told me, if you can't win...blame the Batter's Eye.

Jdot (7:41 PM): THEY ARE PITCHING THERIOT AWAY? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DOES NO ONE IN MLB HAVE ADVANCED SCOUTS?

Chud (7:44 PM): Thank you Willy Aybar!

Jdot (7:43 PM): Tie game! (high-fiving self)

Chud (7:47 PM): Has the Cubs offense suddenly got that bad, that Bob Brenly is advocating Theriot intentionally getting caught in a rundown just to try and score a run?

Jdot (7:48 PM): Yes. Or maybe he's just taking a page out of Ronnie's book: "I would LOVE a passed ball here!"

Chud (7:52 PM): You know you're catering to an older crowd when your team doesn't just have Throwback Night, they have Throwback Tuesday.

Jdot (7:56 PM): Did they just say that someone on the Cubs broadcast team is nicknamed Peanut Butter?

Jdot (7:59 PM): Rambo looks out of gas. Seems early for that problem.

Jdot (8:02 PM): Mmmmm. Wings.

Chud (8:12 PM): Talking baby and a clown . . . still makes me laugh . . . well done E-Trade.

Jdot (8:13 PM): Sorry about the wing delay.

Just so we are clear. That ball to Hinske was high AND outside. And he got tossed for no reason. Go Cubs.

Martin (8:15 PM): There's the Matt Murton power I remember.

Jdot (8:18 PM) Ass.

Martin (8:20 PM) And people get annoyed that Marmol pitches in every game...

Jdot (8:22 PM): Hmmm. I wonder if Neal Cotts is available in our keeper league.

Jdot (8:25 PM): Should I feel bad that I could care less about the NBA game?

Jdot (8:27 PM): Just realized that the Cubs have never won when I've done one of these. Sometimes my own stupidity amazes me.

Martin (8:32 PM): Crappy Ronny's back! Huzzah!

Jdot (8:33 PM): Crazy ass Reed Johnson.

Martin (8:35): How bad has it become that I prefer Theriot to Lee in this situation>

Jdot: (8:36): BTW, write it down, remember it, I don't give a f*#k...someone finally pitched Theriot inside. And then...

Martin (8:36): WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU JACKASS.

Jdot: (8:36): Yep. That was smart.

UPDATE: Have to clarify this one. 2 dumb plays in a row...1) getting the last out at third on which is EASILY the dumbest play so far this year and 2) throwing a ball away at first when the guy is ALREADY on first.

Martn (8:39): Go back to Iowa Neal. Preferably the part that's still underwater.

Jdot (8:45): If they don't give up a run here, I'll fly to TB and give Wuertz a happy ending. That's how much I care.

Jdot (8:49): Ad #3: Ball Wrist Watches. I think they are making most of these up.

Jdot (8:51): Reason #4,894 Why I Shouldn't Watch a Cubs Game at the Bar:
Some dude just put money in the jukebox (killing sound on the game) to play "Dancing Queen." I wish I was making that up.

Martin (8:53): Thank you for being dumb Upton.

Martin (8:56): Does anyone actually think he was trying to hit him there? Man, fans are dumb.

Jdot: (8:58): I think they need to revise the HBP rule. If you take one off the jersey and act like you just took one off the knee/nuts, it's an out. Who's with me?

Jdot: (9:00): My jukebox buddy followed up "Dancing Queen" with "Freedom" by George Michael. Just wanted to keep you in the loop.

Martin (9:01): Sharp Aquos "Game Changing Play of the Day?" Might as well just call it "Dumbass of the Day."

Jdot: (9:02): Zing! He will be here all week, folks. Remember, the 9:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show! Please, tip your waitresses!

Jdot: (9:07): How Aramis doesn't injure himself every AB is one of God's mysteries.

Martin (9:08): Your jukebox buddy might be trying to tell you something. If R. Kelly's "Out of the Closet" comes on next, you may have yourself a new friend...

Martin (9:09): Watching the way the Cubs are swinging the bats tonight makes me want to kick the guy from savethefamgame.com in the nuts. Repeatedly.

Jdot (9:17): At this point, I just want this game to end (sorry) so that I can take L home without getting mugged.

Martin (9:18): Don't worry. You will get mugged, so relax and enjoy.

Jdot (9:22): Maybe this ump needs a refresher course on "K Zone."

Martin (9:22): Murton apparently went to the Jim Edmonds school of taking bad angles on balls.

Jdot (9:25): (Insert Unicorn Joke)

Martin (9:26): Well, some nights you just don't have it.

Jdot (9:31): (quietly banging head on table)

Martin (9:30): I don't think anyone knows the rule about catchers as DHs at this point.

Jdot (9:36): I think he was gonna be out.

Martin (9:35): Ugh.

Martin (9:38): Another wild one would be helpful here.

Jdot: (9:39): Wow.

Martin (9:39): Made it interesting.


Well, on a night when they had nothing going offensively and made a number of stupid mistakes both on the bases and in the field, they came one throw away from tying up a team that has 40 wins. Hard to be mad about that one. Go get 'em tomorrow.