Now that I've arisen from my work-related sabbatical, I figured I'd take a shot at helping Jason with his Top 100 list. Hopefully, I won't be the Michael Wuertz to his Ryan Dempster. So, here are #41-60.
41.The fact that when the Cubs get down a run in the third inning, I don't turn off the TV and say “game over” makes me uncomfortable. In such a good way.
42.Neon green relish is the best kind of relish.
43.Jason Marquis blows. Why hasn't this one made the list yet?
44.On a radio interview, Jim Hendry claimed that Reed Johnson is a great player because “we're 17-7 with him in the lineup,” which reminded me of this:
Homer Simpson: Not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol must be working like a charm.
Lisa Simpson: hat’s specious reasoning, Dad.
Homer: Thank you, dear.
Lisa: By your logic I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.
Homer: Oh, how does it work?
Lisa: It doesn’t work.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: It’s just a stupid rock.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: But I don’t see any tigers around, do you?
Homer: Lisa, I want to buy your rock.
BUT, I didn't drive my car off the road and into a telephone pole due to his sheer stupidity. I'm proud of myself.
45.I went to Thursday night's game, and no one in my section swore loudly, spilled a drink on someone, or generally made a complete ass of themselves. That might be the first time that's ever happened.
46.Only slightly less daunting than understanding molecular physics is understanding why, at Wrigley, 20 oz. Bud Light drafts are $5.75, but CANS of PBR are $6.
47.Jason Isringhausen just went on the DL because he lost a fight with a television, which reminds me how much I enjoy when bad things happen to stupid players who aren't on my team.
48.EVERY FLY BALL THE CUBS HIT IS NOT GOING OUT OF THE BALLPARK. Can we all come to grips with this and stop cheering for 230 ft. pop outs?
49.Mark Prior had yet another setback with the Padres this week. See #47.
50.If Paul Sullivan feels the need to whine about having to do a mailbag every fucking time he writes the column, maybe he should, I don't know, allow someone who actually likes baseball to do his job for him.
51.I figure I should take a moment to point out Jason's #18 in this list. Look at it, then come back here. See? It was worth the laugh.
52. The save is the dumbest stat in baseball next to the RBI. There, I said it.
53.So, does anyone else think that Kosuke Fukudome claiming that he gave his kid a name that means “The Wind” specifically in honor of Chicago is complete bullshit? I thought so too.
54.I'd like to start a campaign to give Daryle Ward the nickname “Stay Puft.”
55.I like Megan Fox. It has nothing to do with baseball. I don't care.
56.Any time Bob Howry wants to remember that he doesn't suck would be great.
57.If Ryan Theriot goes the whole season without remembering that he sucks, that would be great, too.
58.I'd be much happier if I felt like Cubs fans didn't want Jim Edmonds on the team because he sucks, and not because (a.) he was a Cardinal, or (b.) they think he's gay.
59.Bo Jackson broke a bat over his knee. It was cool. It really hasn't been cool since.
60.Jason Marquis still blows. It needed to be written twice.
Posts
(clapping)
ReplyDeleteRe: #53
ReplyDeleteDid Fokudome name his kid Keanu?