21. Former Cub Augie Ojeda (3 HR, 31 RBI from 2000-04) gets a standing ovation when he’s announced at Wrigley, while former Cub Jacques Jones (32 HR, 146 RBI from 2006-07) gets booed. I'm OK with that.
22. I would have given one of my testicles to spend a season hanging out with Mark Grace during the “slump-buster” years.
23. I think I’ve finally cracked the code as to what makes a Cubs player “hot” according to my wife. Two words: Chin Stubble.
24. The difference between good and bad seats at Wrigley is directly related to your distance from the bleachers.
25. Steve Stone is flying up the rankings of Chicago Cubs I would most like to kick in the ear.
26. I’m confident enough in my manhood that I can freely admit I’ve gotten stage fright trying to use one of those men’s room troughs. There’s just something unsettling about accidental eye contact when I’m trying to pee.
27. Does anyone even know what a River Rat is? Or why a Cardinal fan would be offended if you call him that? Me either. So stop it.
28. If you ask someone to list their favorite Cubs and Sosa makes the list but not Maddux, you are allowed to elbow them in eye.
29. Does anyone else think Fontenot is getting grooming tips from Mickey Morandini?
30. Dear Fox, we’re all aware that Dempster does a great Harry Caray impersonation. That doesn’t mean we want to see it EVERY time you broadcast a Cubs game. Just thought you should know.
31. They should rename “70’s Night” at Wrigley “Night I Give Away My Tickets.”
32. Daryl Ward’s permanent ear-to-ear grin is proof that there are still good guys playing this game.
33. I assume someone on the Cubs is teaching Fukudome new English words. I just hope that person is Carlos Zambrano.
34. Maybe Soriano wouldn’t strike out so much if he stopped trying to hit the ball with the actual trunk of a redwood tree.
35. I find myself praying “please don’t be corked” every time ANY Cubs player shatters his bat now. I’m pretty sure that’s unhealthy.
36. When the hot dog vendor asks you if you would like condiments, what he’s really asking is, “Would you like to ruin the shirt you're wearing?”
37. If Randy Johnson doesn’t pitch after it rains, how come the Cubs haven't pulled the “rain out trick” from Bull Durham before? This isn’t rocket science people.
38. Many things look better in HD, Lou Pinella is not one of them.
39. You know what the opposite of The Rally Monkey is? Felix Pie.
40. Nothing ruins a good start to the season faster than these two words: Jim Edmonds.
21-60 Coming Soon!
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