That’s Right, I’m a Hater. Pt. 1: Carlos Marmol

Maybe it’s because I have been burned so many times before the Cubs. Maybe it’s because over the years, they have broken my heart more times than that nerdy kid in class who never gets any cards on Valentine’s Day. Maybe it’s because I’m a bitter, bitter man. Whatever the case, despite their current 3-game winning streak, their first place position in the standings, their death grip on the NL’s best record and their recent “blockbuster trade,” I am not sold on this team being “championship material.” Everywhere I look I see GIANT RED FLAGS THAT DISAPPOINTMENT IS LURKING. Don't believe me? Fine, I will provide examples.

1) Carlos “one-pitch” Marmol

His stuff is “electric,” I get it. For the first two months of the season, I couldn’t wait for him to come in and make professional baseball players duck and flinch like scared little children. He has one of the nastiest sliders I have ever seen. But, as Billy Shakespeare once wrote, therein lies the rub. Along the way, the media anointed him as the next K-Rod. Problem was, he listened. So as May rolled into June, he started going for the “glamour” K’s. He wanted to make SportsCenter with nasty hooks that buckled knees of grown men. As a friend of mine put it, he went “Wuertz” on us. Basically, if you were watching the game online, this became his typical outing.

Slider (ball). Slider (ball). Slider (strike swinging). Slider (ball). Slider (foul). Slider (foul). Slider (Ball in Play, HR).

It’s gotten to the point where you can hear the anger in Brenly’s voice when he says, “Well, he’s fallen in love with his slider again.” Fallen in love with? That may be the understatement of the year. Try to picture a Marmol outing where you saw more than one fastball that wasn’t a throwaway pitch. Can’t can you? That ain’t good. I'm not the only one who notices. EVERY night, I get at least 15 texts that say the equivalent of “THROW A F#$KING FASTBALL!” Agreed, anonymous text senders, agreed.

My hope is that during the All-Star break, Larry sits him down and tells him:

“From now on, every time you shake off Soto’s fastball sign, you get kicked in the nuts. Every time you throw a slider to get a K when all we need is a ground ball or a pop-up, you get kicked in the nuts. Every time Kerry has to get loose in a hurry on his day off because you shat the bed, guess what…it will be me kicking you in the nuts.”

That may be the only way to convince him to maybe sprinkle a fast ball or two in there. If not, be prepared to see a deranged fan in a Murton t-shirt charging the mound sometime in late August. Just sayin'.

Go Cubs.