For those of you who don't know, the days before and after the All-Star Game are the ONLY two days of the YEAR where there are ZERO "major" sports on TV. I put major in quotes for two reasons:1) I can't stand hockey on TV, but again...let's leave that in the "story for another day" pile.
2) I learned that there are actually sports on TV during those two days.
Let me explain.
As is tradition in the J dot bedroom, each morning when the alarm goes off I treat myself to the awesome double-barrelled combo of WGN Morning News and Sportscenter. Depending on how the Cubs performed the night before, the channel is either on the news most of the time (Cubs lost) or on Sportscenter most of the time (Cubs won). Well, as I slapped the alarm clock this morning, I was met with a dilemma. The Cubs had not played.
I flipped on SC for a second and realized that other than the British Open sans Tiger, they were filling space with Rick Reilly segments (dear lord baby Jesus please strike me down) and tons of over-analysis of the second half of the MLB season (too much of that guy that isn't Kruk). No thanks. So that meant I was heading over to WGN for some morning news/giggles.
Unfortunately, when I turned on the station formally known as "Super," the sports segment was on and I was greeted with this little tidbit:
(paraphrased) The Sky took on the Shock yesterday at 11AM, perfect time for all those camp kids."
Flabbergasted is the only way I can describe my reaction to that. I thought I had misheard, but thanks to the God that is Tivo, I "doot-doot-ed" back and sure enough he did say 11 IN THE MORNING. Which got me thinking, "What else is there about the WNBA that I don't know about and is amusing enough to base a post around?" Join me, won't you, while I find out.
1) 11 IN THE MORNING Start Times
No way I could gloss over this one. According to the Sky's own website (only viewed for the purpose of this blog), the recap states:
In front of a crowd of mostly kids from summer camps, Detroit took control midway in the second period and cruised to a 10-0 home record.
About a thousand things about this give me pause. Is the WNBA popular amongst kid's in summer camps? Is that their niche? Or is it used as punishment for bad campers. "Billy, either you stop hitting Suzie or you are going to watch the Shock take on the Sky tomorrow!" I hope it's the former...for Billy' sake.
2a) The new WNBA tagline is "Expect Great"
Basically what this says to the "fans" is:
Sure, go ahead. Expect it. Knock yourself out. We just aren't going to guarantee anything. It's not our fault that the score will be 15-13 at the half with both teams combining to go 12-42 from the field with most of those misses being of the "bunny" variety. We told you to "expect" greatness. It's your fault for actually listening to us.
2b) The Chicago Sky's new slogan is "Raise Your Voice."
I am unsure what exactly that means. Raise my voice how? In anger? Done and done.
3) There is a fantasy section of the WNBA website.
Let that one sink in for a minute. It's hosted by some poor sap named named Mathew Brennan
who I can only assume is being punished for something. Do you think right about now he is regretting uttering these words to his (then) wife:
"Yes, I quit my job. This is my big break! I'm gonna get paid to talk about fantasy sports, honey! Who cares that it's the WNBA!"
I'm thinking yes. But I could be wrong.
Side Note: Touted as an expert, he is currently only in the 84th percentile of his OWN league. Not sure we can trust this guy. I mean, Candace Parker as his Rookie to Watch? Hello! Nicky Anosike anyone? Hack.
Alright, that's all I can take. I could go on and on about the absurdity of this league even still existing, but I would be beating a LONG dead horse. My only hope is that it dissolves before my buddy's daughter is old enough to care, just so I never see these words in a text:
Hey, I've got an extra ticket to the Shock v. Sky game tomorrow at 11AM. You in?
No. No I am not.
Go Cubs.
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