Because It's Too Hard to Play D&D at the Park...

Marty and I both attended Saturday's amazing Cubs game. Marty was in section 203 and I was in 106. As I settled into my great seats right near the left field foul pole, I got an idea for what could be the dorkiest post of all-time—an all text post. What transpired turned out to be way dumber and more embarrassing to the both of us than I could have hoped. Enjoy.

12:17 PM
Jason: Got an idea. We should post our text conversation today.

12:18 PM. Top 1st: L Berkman grounds into double play, M Bourn scores.
Martin: Thinking the same thing. #1: Marquis blows.

12:19 PM. Bottom 1st. R Johnson singled to center.
J: Reed Johnson is batting 1000! He's way better than Murton!

12:19 PM
M: What were your favorite memories of the Felix Pie era?

12:20 PM. Bottom 1st. D Lee singles to right, R Johnson to second.
J: He can just rake.

12:21 PM
M: Got up to get a hot dog and can't sit now.

12:23 PM. Bottom 1st. K Fukudome grounds out to second.
J: Sit.

12:23 PM. Fans cheer then boo Fukudome.
M: Yay Jason Kendall! Boo Jason Kendall!

12:24 PM
J: What the f#@k were they cheering for? He hit that 10 feet!

12:25 PM
M: In the AIR 10 feet...

12:26 PM
J: Just saw a $1,400 watch. Apparently, these are good seats.

12:27 PM
M: Rob him.

12:27 PM
J: Her. Will do.

12:31 PM. Top 2nd. M Loretta singled to center, M Tejada scores. Fans boo Marquis.
M: Welcome to Latroy Town, Marquis.

12:31 PM
L: Sean Marshall your table is ready.

12:32 PM
M: Who could have seen this coming? Oh yeah, everybody.


12:34 PM. Fan seen wearing Fuku headband.


J: Those Fuku headbands embarrass me to the core.

12:41 PM
M: Most of the fans around me embarrass me.

12:45 PM
M: Geraldine Ferraro approves of the headbands.

12:45 PM
J: That joke is above my IQ level.

12:47 PM
M: Seriously...CNN.com. Just check it every now and then.


12:52 PM
M: The guy next to me is telling me how great his fantasy team is.


12:53 PM.
J: Fake boobs are my favorite invention after the polio vaccine.

12:56 PM. Bottom 3rd. D Lee homers to right center.
J: Yay keeper league! Boo other league!

1:00 PM
M: I'm pretty sure the fantasy league guy abducted the kid he's with.

1:01 PM
J: Well, at least he took him to the ballpark.

1:08 PM. Bottom 4th. R Theriot grounds out to pitcher.
M: That Ryan Theriot sure runs hard to first the many, many times be grounds out to the pitcher.

1:08 PM
J: (Shaking head)

1:15 PM
M: Saw the "Horry Kow" shirt, might as well just change the shirt to "the guy wearing this is a douche bag."

1:16 PM. Bottom 5th. J Marquis safe at second on throwing error by T Wigginton.
M: Speed kills.

1:18 PM. Bottom 5th. A Soriano flies out to center, J Marquis thrown out at third.
J: I am without speech.

1:20 PM
J: BTW, I saw a man eating a sandwich in the bathroom.

1:21 PM
M: Brought from home, bought at the park, or found in the trough?

1:22 PM
J: From home, which i think is actually more disturbing.

1:22 PM
M: Was he worried they were gonna confiscate it?

1:23 PM
J: Who knows. I do know that can't be sanitary.

1:23 PM. Top 6th. H Pence safe at first on error by first baseman D Lee.
M: Good thing they worked all the kinks out in spring training.

1:30 PM. Top 6th. D Erstad doubles to deep right center, H Pence scored. C Lee doubles to deep right center, D Erstad scored.
M: Did I mention that I hate Jason Marquis?

1:33 PM
J: Maybe we can trade him back to the Cards for Clement

1:37 PM
M: He doesn't have enough DUIs for the Cards.

1:37 PM
J: He'll be here all week folks.

1:44 PM Bottom 6th. D Lee doubles to deep right. A Ramirez flies out to center.
M: Tag up! It worked so well before!

1:45 PM Bottom 6th. K Fukudome reached on bunt single to pitcher, D Lee to third.
J: Fuku good.

1:46 PM
M: Yay Kosuke!

1:50 PM
J: Boo everyone else .

1:52 PM Bottom 6th. G Soto grounded out to shortstop. Tejada makes a great play.
M: Good thing we didn't go after Tejada. He wouldn't have been an upgrade or anything.

1:52 PM
J: Yep. No range. Score one for Hendry.

2:05 PM Bottom 7th. M Fontenot reaches on infield single to shortstop, R Theriot to second.
J: Fonte-yay!

2:08 PM
M: Ew.

2:12 PM
J: That last text brought to you by Old Style.

2:11 PM Bottom 7th. D Lee singles to left, M Fontenot scored.
J: D Lee yipee!

2:16 PM
M: I'm very happy about the comeback and all, but the girl behind me has an outfit that consists of a headband, long t-shirt and no underpants. Its hard to pay attention.

2:17 PM. Bottom 7th. W Wright relieved O Villarreal.
J: I love that his name is Wright and he's a lefty.

2:18 PM
M: No more beer 4 u.

2:22 PM. Bottom 7th. K Fukudome doubled to left, D Lee and A Ramirez scored.
M: Chicago has a new hero.

2:26 PM
M: Guy just bought me a beer just because I was wearing a Fuku jersey. It's paying for itself already.

2:29 PM
M: Mmm...hot dogs.

2:36 PM Top 8th. B Howry relieved K Hart. D Erstad singles to right. C Lee doubles to deep left, D Erstad to third. M Tejada grounds out to second, D Erstad scores. G Blum singles to center, C Lee scores.
M: Go. Get. Him.

2:37 PM.
J: This isn't going to end well.

2:42 PM. Top 8th. R Cedeno at second base.
M: Why is Cedeno at 2b instead if SS?

2:45 PM
J: You can't take out The Riot!

2:46 PM
M: Theriot is a 2b, though. Why not just switch him and Ronny?

2:47 PM. Middle 8th.
M: Insurance? Insurance?

2:50 PM. Bottom 8th. R Theriot struck out swinging.
J: Yay Theriot! How gritty was that?

2:51 PM. Bottom 8th. A Soriano grounds out to third, R Cedeno to second.
J: Best quote of the day: He would have been safe on the old turf.

2:54 PM. Bottom 8th. R Johnson singled to left, R Cedeno scored.
M: Reed Johnson just looks old timey.

2:55 PM. Top 9th. K Wood relieves C Marmol.
M: Strikes, please.

3:01 PM. End Game. Cubs Win!
J: Go Cubs Go.

3:02 PM.
M: Theriot still sucks.