What Happens When Nobody Does Anything Colossally Stupid for a Whole Week

Because no one was dumb enough to demand a starting position after a year in which he had a 5+ ERA, there wasn't much to write about this week. So, of course, being as lazy as I am, I'm going to take the easy route and throw together a number of random thoughts from throughout the last few weeks, with no connections or thread. Impressive, huh? Here goes:
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To build off our blatant oogling of Sean Marshall's wife (nee' Alexis DelChiaro) yesterday, cubs.com has a piece that focuses on the newlyweds' life as “major-league pitcher and hot newscaster wife.” I think Sarah Wood just got replaced in the pole position for “yet another reason why professional baseball players are the luckiest bastards on the planet.” Gotta break this one down into a few separate thoughts:

First of all, under the story's headline, link two presents an option to “customize a Marshall jersey today.” You think I could get a “DelChiaro 45” jersey? Just so we're clear on who we're rooting for...

Furthermore, I simply don't care what Sean Marshall does on the field-would I rather watch Marshall get lit up from time to time while the possibility remains of seeing “hot newscaster wife,” or would I rather watch Jason Marquis get lit up every time and be forced to look at his hobbit-like face on a regular basis?

I guess that's enough on her, although I reserve the right to bring her back during any slow news week this season...

ANYWAY...

The most enjoyable old-guys-are-funny moment I had during Spring Training was when speaking with a guy (about 70-75 or so) about the Cubs and hearing him refer unintentionally, but continuously, to Alfonso Soriano as “Cerrano.” I could have corrected him, but, you know, it actually makes more sense. He hit straight ball very nice, but curve ball...bat afraid.

Bobby Scales and Wellington Castillo were both cut this week, but instead of going over to minor league camp, they were sent to Iowa to “wait until camp moves there.” Let's see, so you've crapped on my major league dream AND made me move from Arizona to that bastion of cosmopolitan life, Des Moines, Iowa? That's kinda like getting kicked in the nuts, and then...well...getting sent to Iowa.

So the Reds signed Paul Bako, Kent Merker, Corey Patterson, and Jerry Hairston. It would have been so much more fun if Steve Stone would have gone to Cincinnati to be their color man. That train wreck would have gotten so much more train wreckier.

Speaking of my new favorite team, the question was asked yesterday whether or not Darren Baker would be in the dugout with the Reds this year. He's got to be too old for this now, right? Its getting to the point of being uncomfortable. Like “Ronnie Woo-Woo uncomfortable.” I'm waiting for the day when a 21-year old Darren sits on his dad's lap during a press conference to deflect the hard questions Dusty might get from the big-bad reporters. It would be great, though, to see a 55 year old J.T. Snow swoop onto the field and save him from getting drilled by yet another player sliding into home.

This week was totally bereft of good Cubs/news/entertainment stories. The biggest story of the week was that Michelle Rodriguez would be starring in the new Fast and the Furious 4. I'm assuming the subtitle of that film will be “.08”.

When Piniella got all angry about the Cubs blowing leads this week, I couldn't help but wonder how he would react when players who might actually sniff the major leagues sometime in the next five years start blowing games. I'm pretty sure that if Shingo Takatsu is out there blowing saves for the Cubs in July, then either (a.) some tragedy has befallen the 15 guys ahead of him on the depth chart, or (b.) Fukudome's interpreter quit and they needed a last-minute replacement.

I was at Lebowski Fest here in Chicago this weekend. I need some jelly shoes. And a marmot.